Wednesday, April 07, 2010
just scribbles
They sat across a table on a patio, overlooking the sea. Salads were untouched and glasses of wine full, bearing neither smudge nor print. A warm breeze fluttered the tablecloth and the sound of distant conversations drifted with the wind, sometimes clear, sometimes not. He looked toward the ocean. She toward him. Minds spinning where lips were not, fingers dancing of their own accord. Movement, they would say later, seemed difficult, as if underwater. Even the waiter, always attentive, kept his distance, as salads wilted.
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4 comments:
Sigh. I can feel the breeze, and hear the conversations...
You do that, you are truly gifted.
THOUGHTS and PRAYERS (never stopped)
TIGHT HUGS
xoxoxo
hhhHHHH
Your kind words always appreciated. Thanks LotL. :-)
I loved this. I could write paragraphs, but it would only say the same thing in different ways, that I loved these scribbles. The tone is remarkable. I've begun a half dozen sentences, ways in which to say something of the tone, and each time erased them for not being quite right. You have two characters and they are undoubtedly the feature of this painting, to describe it as such so that I might continue, but they are seated to the side, the warm breeze that you describe evident in the brow of the waitor, the roll of the waves, the colour of the wine, I apparently do not have words today, or perhaps I should not have read all three posts at once before beginning, but suffice to say this post is particularly lovely. As a scene set, it is instantly one of my very favourites.
If this scene had fit any of the characters, it would have been in the story. I've always been interested in scenes without dialogue, scenes like we see in Bright Star quite often, no words, no soundtrack, just the characters, body language, facial expressions and the natural sounds we would hear if we were there. It leaves the canvas open for the reader to see what they want to see without the author placing too many signposts and so in that way, the canvas of the scene is much larger, more inclusive and somewhat delicious in a decadent way. ;-)
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