Trev: You know how I know?
Em: Tell me.
Trev: When I wake, and you are there . . .
Em: Yes?
Trev: I find no separation between dreams.
Em: (smiles)
Trev: I'm serious.
Em: Baby I know.
Trev: There are times, in my dreams where I know I'm dreaming.
Em: (listening with doe eyes)
Trev: Lucid dreaming. And you know what?
Em: What baby?
Trev: I know then, I know. (pause, looking down)
Em: (hand on his shoulder) What do you know?
Trev: That the dream I want, is the waking dream, the one I see when my eyes open and you are the first thing I see. (looks up, his eyes to hers) And what I see is a dream.
Em: (smiles of cheek and eye)
Trev: So beautiful, you are in the quiet of the morning. Watching you sleep, memorizing every curve from hair to eye to cheek, of your tender shoulder half clothed of cotton, the dune like shape of your legs under the sheets, of how your head rests like a jewel upon the pillow. And in that quiet, of just breath, my eyes water in the waking dream of you, of us, of living in a divine light. A place where heaven can wait and it is then that I know why there is pain in the world.
Em: Pain?
Trev: Because if everyone felt as I do with you, no one would ever believe in heaven, that it was any place other than in the eternity of moments present of love such that there is nothing else. And in those moments, pain becomes not a thing, but the absence of a thing.
Em: You know what?
Trev? What
Em: Sometimes when you talk, I don't hear the words.
Trev: You--
Em: (places a finger to his lips) Trust me. It's a good thing.
8 comments:
Beautiful.
This post made me think of the development/revelation that we have seen Trev undergo since we introduced to him. From those first days on Bravo and even as recently as when he and Em came together, it is only later, loved and loving, that Trev's depths have come to be known. His quiet, unassuming if you will, manner, as he heeds the desire to share his thoughts, to show Em his heart, to capture what he feels, is endearing, not least since his awareness is full and his words, spoken and written, so often capture heart and breath for their beauty, truth and insight.
Wonderful, wonderful chapter, I'm going to stay a while with the part about the dream and the part about heaven, this is part of the bliss of reading you, I could spend days with a single chapter, I could do so today and I could do so in twenty years time and be as touched, be as intrigued, as occupied.
So very, very special is this story. I look back (on those Trev scenes) and it is emotionally akin to when I look back over M's life, precious moments, precious memories, a life being lived. Always makes me smile to think of these characters, of how beloved they became instantly and continued to be, and what a joy it has been to follow them and the story only ever grows, only ever gets better, embeds itself deeper in the heart. Loved this post, love the story. :-)
I am not a literary critic or a literary scholar. I am, however a lover of reading since the age of three, and a bit of an empath. What I feel when I read these words is a depth of love, trust and vulnerability that makes me want the same so much my being aches and I want to hide from it...in fear. And yet, I want to stay, to revel and drown in the feelings.
dj, welcome to DT. Thanks for the kind words, always deeply appreciated. My heart aches and much as my fingers to express an ache almost as old as I am. If I were a puzzle piece, I would feel separated from the picture of home, have it in sight, need to fit, but it is just out of reach and so with whatever skill I can muster I try and try to express the longing of a heart in a language so inferior to the beating within my chest. Thanks for stopping by. Hope to see you again.
My dearest Sunshine, isn't it remarkable to see how these characters have grown over the last five years and perhaps no one as much as Trev. Seems so long ago when he suffered at the hands of Lil' Twilight and Sal, succored in the arms of Mairi, fell for Em and then lost her and then found her again. And somewhere along the way, our dear medic found his voice via the pen. :-)
Makes one wonder where he will be in five more years. :-)
Sigh.........
Another post from the heart. As much as I love these, I dream of the day that I will have it. it seems the more I read the more I realize that, maybe, just possibly, this is not possible to truly obtain. I read this and my heart , well I can't explain what it does, but it feels as though I have a vacuum hooked to my chest ans it's sucking the life out. How cruel is fate...sigh. To not be searching and find exactly what it is that your life is missing, only to find out, well....
I read and reread these post. I have printed them out and they stay with me, not lying on a table, or in my desk, but in my hand...in my heart.
Sorry these comments are more jarbled than usual, but it seems that every time I start to comment the tears flow.
Em is a lucky woman!!!
TIGHT HUGS and SOFT KISSES
Love
hH
ps, this comment, as is many of your post is being sent unread. If I read it I know I won't send it, and it truly comes from the heart.
LotL, thank you for that incredible comment. Until I read your thoughts, I had no idea that these latest Trev chapters could have the affect you so describe, but now that I think about it, I can see it as clear as day. I am so sorry to have caused any distress. Sigh.
Thanks again for sharing. You've helped me see a side to these posts that I had not seen before. Thank you.
Please don't stop them, I really do enjoy them. I think you might have misunderstood my "intent". As you have written before, without sorry, we have no happiness, without darkness, we know not the light. These could go on forever, but I think you get my meaning.
Please don't stop allowing us to see Trev's true feelings for Em.
I'm at Trev's mercy. If he shares, I'll share. :-)
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