Trev and Em huddled, warm sheets, placid minds.
Em: I do want to know, about your father.
Trev: Why? What would ever possess you to go there, after all that has happened? Is this some kind of secret female payback?
Em: Can I be poetic, just for a moment?
Trev: Sure.
Em: You know, since I know you have this side now and I don't want you to get the big head thinking you are the only one that can brush an idea.
Trev: Go for it.
Em: Things grow in the dark that don't survive in the light.
Trev: (after a short pause) Is that it?
Em: Are you making fun of me?
Trev: No, I just thought--
Em: That more is better?
Trev: No--
Em: That my poem sucks?
Trev: No--
Em: That I can't have my own creative voice unless you understand it?
Trev: No. That's not it at all.
Em: Then what?
Trev: I want the light, your light. It's just--
Em: What? Say it.
Trev: It's just I want more. And I'm . . .
Em: (turns in the bed, sitting up, facing him, taking his hands into hers, just looking)
Trev: Afraid.
Em: Afraid of what baby?
Trev: That you will see--
Em: But--
Trev: That you will see a part of me that will make you turn away.
Em: You know, this relationship won't work in parts and pieces.
Trev: Okay, here it is. I'm afraid you will see how much I need you, how much I want you.
Em: Is that it?
Trev: Isn't that enough?
Em: And you think your need and want is a bad thing?
Trev: I can't control it. Feels like a weakness. An obsession, something unhealthy. And I feel if you knew, knew just how much I fear that what we have, have right now, could be taken away, that somehow, that fear will come between us, and I don't mean this in the wrong way, but that you would judge me, find me wanting--
Em: Because of this fear?
Trev: Yes.
Em: (starts laughing)
Trev: What's so funny?
Em: It's not your fear that concerns me. It's your warped sense of relationship.
Trev: (looks down)
Em: Don't you see? We are pieces of a puzzle, you and me. And you can't project your wants and needs on me, because if you do, they won't fit. I'm not you. (she twirls her thumbs in his palms) What you fear, what you need, what you want is what makes me feel alive, useful, loved. Now stop changing the subject and tell me about your father.
4 comments:
PostSecret recently featured a card that read (perhaps loosely quoted): I do not fear being hugged. I fear being let go.
This chapter feels like coming home, coming home not having realized quite how much one has missed home until one walks through the door. For two reasons, most obviously perhaps we have Em and Trev back, together, as they were before all of this happened, only better, closer through revelation, and through trial and survival of their relationship and affections for one another. Secondly, for the chapter itself, chapters like these are the bosom of the story so to speak. Which is not to say that I have not loved the poetry or the EE chapters as much or more, :-), but this, this bliss, this happiness, this supreme example of love shared between two people, of taking and of giving, learning, and growing, closer, together, toward. Perfect flow, warmed heart, widened smile, renewed sense of hope, optimism, liveliness, an absolute joy to read, and in Em's response, natural, honest, we see again the heart at it's best, open, unencumbered, and from Em to Trev, one hopes, the gift will be given and with her, through loving her, he will know, finally, what it means, and what it means to feel deserving. One hopes. For at least as long as the time comes when loss would be mourned for what was, and not what he believes could never be. Absolutely delightful chapter, blissful sigh with a hint of longing.
THAT JUST FEELS LIKE THE BEST PILLOW TALK...
I love your writing Tree. And I'll never get tired of telling you so. You just make me think, make me visualize. Thank you for writing :)
Thank you Annie. And I suppose this needs not saying, but I never tire of reading nice comments. They are my bread and water. :-)
Ms Storm, you are to me the air after a rain and I breath deep of all you offer and I feel thankful to be alive. :-)
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