Quiet reigned within Bravo as the quiet without. Footsteps in heartbeats, anticipation in breath shallow. Rog moved. Kyra shook her head. With the sudden flourish of cape rouge, the main door parted. Von stood sun black, an eclipse of flesh, corona dancing as medusa from his silhouette. Faces hung as wood, still; eyes as owls in the pitch, wide.
“I’ve come for John,” said Von, words knocked into existence, tongue as gavel.
Nobody said anything. John unhooked the strap covering the grip of his las. Von lifted his cloak, and with hand slow and steady drew his twin las. Kyra started. Von raised his hand.
“Before this court,” said Von, voice ocean deep, “I have a few questions. If you don't mind?"
John looked into the twin cylinders, black as the eyes of field mice but about ten times the size. "Speak your peace."
"Did you know the Dyad would be attacked?”
John tightened his grip, stroking the serrated handle, his unblinking eyes narrowed on Von, his stance jaguar wound. As if the word were three syllables, he rolled his answer as one might unroll carpet: “Yes.”
Like a boxer absorbing a body blow, Von winced. Taking breath, he continued. “Could you have prevented the attack?”
John stood as one stands on a bridge, looking over the edge at the river below. He chose his answer as one chooses a rock and dropped it into the cavernous bridge as one drops a pebble in a pond, ripples from his lips into the shore of a crew as helpless before the wave as land. "Yes."
“I admire your direct and honest guts. But there is more to your answers than just yes. Is that correct?”
John rolled his lips and nodded.
“If you had prevented the attack on the Dyad,” Von continued, with the patience of a country lawyer, “what price would you have paid?”
“I think you know the answer.”
“I want to hear it from your lips. The rest of the crew deserves to hear it from you, in your words.”
“I would have lost Cait and Ariel.”
“Explain lost?”
“Is this really necessary?”
“You are asking much of us, are you not?”
John conceded. “What happened to Cait would have happened sooner, in public, broadcast. Ariel would have had unspeakable acts performed upon her and I would have been forced to witness it.”
“And after you witnessed the debauchery of wife and child, what then?”
“The pizzle, without matutinal mercy.”
“Authorized by who?”
“The Hood. It is the way.”
With a slight pause and a tone soft, Von said, “Two more questions. Did you know my son was aboard the Dyad?”
“No.”
“Would it have made any difference in your actions?”
John took the pause of sun between clouds. “None.”
Von measured his response as one father to another. “I would have done the same.”
46 comments:
Way overwritten, but what the hellocks, its my story. :-D
I sat here for a moment. I don't want to be the first to comment on this chapter and yet I can't leave without saying something. These are two men, both of amazing integrity, that understand each other. They both grieve for what happened as well as their respective losses. And yet there is a twist. How would I feel if I were Von? He exemplifies GRACE. I would need to scream and shout and bite and tear shreds through the person who caused the death of my child. I would be undone. But he maintains his composure and show....compassion, or is it empathy? This was so brilliantly written.
Jen, the more I get to know Von, the more I like him. Ceru was a very lucky son. Looking forward to learning more of their relationship and of Ceru's mother (there is a whole story there that only exists in my mind at the moment--we won't see it anytime soon, but Zoe is gonna want to know and it seems that Ceru was not willing to tell her much).
Thanks for the kind words on the prose. Expect some editing of this one once I have a chance to read it without a belly full of rum. ;-)
Well, since this is my story, most all the characters are pretty damn good fathers. ;-)
Sleep it off Tree! I can't imagine what you would want to edit though. It really is good. The only question that I had was on "The pizzle without matutinal mercy" That went over my sleepy head.
OH, and if I had a story, my characters would be fabulous mothers! When I concoct stories in my head, the men tend to be weak. Too hard on the guys, I am. And the women are flawed through their ferocity. I've seen a lot of ferociously protective ladies in my life; some of them I miss dearly. Anyway, I really liked this chapter Tree.
Jen, follow the two links on that sentence for an explanation. In short, Pizzle is the penis of a bull used as a whip--at least in this story it is. Matutinal Mercy is the drink a condemned prisoner is given on Kulmyk to ease the pain of execution. The two linked chapters will shed a little more light but this is what John is referring to here.
I saw the links before I saw your comments. Thanks for the gentle guidance and much patience. I get it now. Going to ignore the laundry and turn in now. Have a LOVE-ly day! ;) Jen
I don't think it is overwritten at all. What it is is heavy, as with the three syllable Yes the exchanges are at least from John's side, Von's too as he mulls over each answer given, reluctant and slow-moving and this is cemented via the style. You work the opening passage as you always do, like a hypnotist swinging a clock and within seconds, within the first couple of words, the reader is transported back into the world of Bravo as though one had never left. Beautiful piece of writing right there just for starters, the very first sentence simple, eloquent, atmospheric, hypnotic. :-)
Excellent and original metaphors as always, field mice eyes and jaguar stances to name but two that were particularly stop-up-and-take-notice.
We have seen inspiring and heartwarming acts of compassion in this story. Beginning at least time-wise with the hug, in a situation such as this it can be somewhat difficult to understand how Von is able to come to terms with the facts, how he is able to put himself in John's shoes and find understanding and forgiveness. Knowing Von, as we have come to do though his journal, though his presense, through his account of the hug, and in the chapter below as well as his questioning here, how could it be any other way. Done is done, relationship is relationship and forgiveness is as much about personal peace of mind as it has to do with the other. Duty too is duty and the consequences of not following that duty or rather orders was well documented - interesting in light of where the story may be heading that these facts are coming so much into focus where up until now Arc'teryxian accounts have filled little space for the character of John - and thus with every addition to this chapter, not only do we understand before beginning that Von is capable of opening his heart thus but that perhaps given circumstances and despite others, each of us too could have found the same level of compassion.
Less of a comment than I had intended, as it inspired upon reading it a few hours ago when time was more, but in short, good stuff. :-D
This is well written Trée and fine as it is.
Another excellent chapter.
I like the directness.
LOVE the big picture AGAIN. Way cool colours.
That Hood....is a bad, baaaaad man.
I will forever stay a true Hood groupie.
I need me a pizzle.
And, I agree. Not overwritten one bit.
Miladysa, your kind words are always appreciated. The dialogue seems a bit stilted, a touch unnatural--in other words, I'm struggling to visualize the conversation between Von and John happening just as I have it written here. With more time and effort, I think I could get it to feel more instinctive and perhaps it is not the dialouge as much was the framing of the words. Second, the writing is heavy at times, which I like, but this was a chapter that took the entire flight (three hours) to cobble together--it did not flow like most of my chapters and at less than 500 words should have taken about 15 minutes to write, not three hours. From my eyes, I see the crack between every plank of a sentence, sentences laid with effort more so than grace. Maybe in a few months when I can look at this one with fresh eyes it will look differently.
I'm not fishing here nor am I'm discounting anyone's opinion. Want to be clear as a mountain lake on those points. When I labor over a chapter, I'm seldom happy with the poetic flow. I may get the itch to rewrite bits and pieces, which usually means editing down. For example, the description of Von absorbing the first answer, that one word "yes," as a body blow is nice and I think conveys what I wanted it to convey, which is to say, even though he knew the answer, hearing it still hit him hard (it is one thing to know a lover no longer loves you--it is entirely another matter to have them say it), it still feels awkward on the page and seems to interrupt the flow of the dialogue, almost as if "the writer" is intruding into the scene--I can almost hear the audience yell in unison, "Hey, down in front." :-D
Just my first cup of coffee two cents. ;-)
Strumper, if you are really, really nice, and run to the grocery store for me--I think you know what I need--I might have an extra pizzle I would be willing to share. Not everyone knows how to handle a pizzle correctly, so I'll need to demonstrate its proper use--as many times as necessary to impart proper instruction. I'm a rather demanding teacher, just so you know. :-D
Happy Valentine's Day to you and Your's Tree :)
Will be back to read your chapters at leisure that they so deserve! :)
Or rather I deserve them at leisure :D
God! The two guys are really on a level aren't they. I love the slow, almost mournful pace of the conversation.
Their quiet grief, mutual resect, the ruthfulness behind it all.
This is a great post. I'm never disappointed when I read your work.
xx
Trée have some more coffee - it's fine! lol
But I know what you mean - I have had a sins post brewing for almost two weeks now!
I'm going right now.
I am an able and willing student.
It's good to be back after "the screen of death" and now a spanking new Windows.
A longish response to SAME is either lost in cyberspace or sitting in your file somewhere.
In case it's the latter I won't send chewed cabbages twice but just say ... well, I'm grateful for Jennifer and other incredible commentator-friends who can still think and communicate from the swim. I'm savoring deeply the sensory saturation and word-bliss of your expression. Awesome,awesome.
And thank you Tree for the patient & generous guidance after my inquiries a few days ago (pre-computer crash). Getting to know the space and the family, despite chronological jumping around.
Breathe,Constance!
Trée, I love your newest title image. It's gorgeous, like a geode. I haven't gotten past the fantastic fractal, so I'll be back to read the chapter. :-)
Thanks Deb. I'm trying to change the header image every day or two so expect to see something new on a regular basis.
Constance, so nice to see you again. I didn't get the other comment, but your love is coming through loud and clear. :-)
Thank you for those very kind and sweet sentiments. Very much appreciated. :-)
Strumpet, if you are still there, hang on. I'm on my way. Meet me in the beer aisle. I'm the one with--oh never mind, you'll know me. What other fool will be buying beer with a hand full of butter. :-D
Miladysa, something more than coffee is going to be needed to fix this headache I've got. Happy V Day. :-)
As for the sins chapter. I'm willing to wait. :-)
Elise, you are very kind and your comments touch my heart in a way I can't quite explain. Thank you and Happy Valentine's Day. Just don't run with the scissors. :-D
Mona, Happy Valentine's Day to you and your loved ones too. Hope and trust you are on the road to recovery and that everything is just as it should be. You remain in my thoughts and prayers. :-)
Sweetest, there is one more element concerning The Hood that I almost included in this chapter but then thought it might need a little more space than I was willing to allocate here. I'm still working on the concept but here is the gist:
The Hood has the ability to alter, in real time, one's emotional range, as if with his hand or mind, he could adjust the intensity scale of what one feels from 0 to 10+. Now imagine how that might be used and the fear such an ability could generate in the hearts of even the most battle hardened men. :-D
Stay tuned.
As always, your comments are the water floating my boat. Love to you on this beautiful Valentine's Day my dear Sweetest One. :-)
Oh, Tree.
I really needed to laugh today.
And you just made my cheeks hurt so BAD!
Or was that the pizzle?.....
As far as the Hood goes....
That ability you speak of...could probably be used to intensify OTHER states of mind as well....
The Hood turns me on.
Almost as much as butter.
I hope your headache goes away!
When I get to the beer aisle I will kiss your forehead for you.
It'll help.
Strumper, no doubt. The Hood's harem is a rather happy horde. :-D
Ooooo....
I've got it BAD for awesome moon shots.
It's what my name means.
I have one tattooed upon the back of my neck.
It's blue.
That's quite an image, Mr. Tree.
Happy Valentine's Day!
xoxo
:-D
Happy V Day Strumper. I'll bring my pizzle if you bring the amplitude, creamy, if you don't mind. :-D
I hope your Valentine's Day has been peachy! Yours was the very first Valentine sentiment received today...a nice surprise. I love the new header image. I like the size of the recent images - I read where you explained that sometimes the Blogger deity allows it, other times not. Enjoy the thumbnail pic of my three mounds of 'amplitude creamy' (HAH) because all goes back to normal tomorrow! No more Love day, no more chocolate kisses!
Jen, I think your mounds of creamy amplitude would melt of my tongue as butter on a blueberry pancake. Sweet dreams when you get that far. :-D
One of these days I'm going to end up on a chiropractor's bench. Keep those images large, Poppet, when you can. I've seen this image a thousand times, felt the full force of it a thousand times, or so I thought, until I saw it today. As your page has come up these last couple of days with one of your amazing images filling the entire screen and then some, it has been instant rejuvination, a catapult into the here, the sheer magnificence of them all-consuming. Your talent for creating these images is abso*lutely awe-inspriring. Bless fault #1 and the exciting ideas for future development of the story that it continually produces, sometimes one wonders how, wonders where, wonders why, in a starstruck and thankful manner. Today, a path can be fathomed, for this is what your images do, turn every sense and feeling up to a notch that one otherwise too seldom visits.
Hope you (or the kiss:) were able to get rid of that headache and that you had a lovely Valentine's.
Whiskey helps. ;-)
Sweet dreams when you get that far.
Mr. Tree,
I come here and I feel as though I am traveling through space.
Since that will not happen in my lifetime, (though I AM hopeful,) your blog is the next best thing.
Purple Planets turn me on.
Oh, I went grocery shopping today.
It was way too much fun.
I did get a bag of frozen peas, but it is mixed with carrots.
=P
LOVING the way the blog is looking
AWESOME
deena
Very well written and engaging.
Strumper. Did you see me. I was the one standing in a pool of melted butter.
Deena and AW, I thank you both. Sweet words are welcomed. No worries, I floss and brush.
I didn't go down the butter aisle.
It was simply too tempting.
However, Mr. Tree...
Let's talk about this new image.
My eyes are newly seduced with each visit of late and size really does matter to my visual portals because they're going NUTS!!!
The colours in the wisps of this image are making my eyelashes flutter and sigh like the butterfly as my vision travels up and down the line of the hues.
I really like it.
Strumper, I don't know how you do it, but you put the wood in Poppet with just a few lines. Pull my string baby, you know, the one with the frozen peas.
I SO want to ride your rhythm into headboard or wall. I've got people that can repair the damage, but no one that can steal the memory. Wanna make some blue collar workers happy?
Whoa! Well done. This one was edge of seat for me.
Thank you Wamblings. :-)
A few edits here, for those keeping score. Perhaps some more to come. You know, I really should put a two day delay on posting just to have time to review and edit with fresh eyes. Not gonna happen, just like waiting to open a present ain't gonna happen in my house either. :-D
This was so painful.
Beautiful.
Hilda, I am always surprised and fascinated with how a chapter is perceived by others. I suppose since I knew how this chapter was going to end before I wrote the first word, I short-circuited "the pain." Interesting. I'll have to read this one again with that idea in mind. :-)
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