Kyra knocked on the door. “Em, can I come in?” A small red light turned green and Kyra felt the familiar rush of air as the door swished open. Em was sitting in a chair, back straight, with hands palm down on knees together and staring straight ahead as those without sight are prone to do. She was as still as a monk in meditation, eerily so thought Kyra. Pulling up a chair she sat beside her, her eyes searching for mood as her mind searched for words.
After what seemed like forever and all the pre-planned words were found lacking in the moment, Kyra took a deep breath, slowly and gently placed her hands on top of Em’s and said, “I want you to know, we will find the doctor who will restore your sight.”
Em sat without responding other than a slight tilt of her head which seemed to indicate a return from some place else at the sound of Kyra speaking.
“I mean what I say Em.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Anything Em.”
“Remember when we took those red pills?”
“Yes.”
“Remember the peace we felt?”
Kyra squeezed her hands. “I do.”
“Why can we find so much peace in death and yet find so much pain and struggle in life?”
Kyra knew the answer but pondered whether an answer was being asked. “An eternal question Em. What do you think?”
“Resistence.” Em spoke the word in a voice Kyra didn’t recognize or at least didn’t recognize coming from Em. She had heard the tone before, where, she couldn’t quite put her finger on.
“Resistence?” asked Kyra.
“When we took those pills, we dropped all resistance to the present moment. We stepped into the flow without looking back, without questioning, without fighting the current. And I have never felt such peace and tranquility before or since.”
Kyra listened. She rubbed her thumbs in circles on Em’s hands.
“And now, I find myself unable to let go. I want my sight back. I refuse to believe it is not possible. And I’m confused. I’m sad. I’m depressed. I’m angry. I’m afraid. I’m lost. And I’m alive. Where did the peace go?”
Kyra sighed. “Can I ask you a question now?
“Yes, please.”
“I felt that peace too and I also want it back. Will you join me? I think together we can find it.”
Em stood up, trying not to lose her balance and releasing Kyra’s hands, opened her arms. Leather embraced cloth. “Yes. I would like that very much.”
8 comments:
When Em asked the question, I breathed an audible sigh. How many times that question has been asked by someone of themselves, of others, worded differently perhaps, but essentially the same. Often, and answered too by the person it was asked of, though I doubt often as consisely. I equate in my mind Yul where she sees Rog in that hospital ward to that sense of come-what-may that eased what we they thought were their final moments of consciousness back on Bravo, though the reasons for calm are quite different, Yul and the others each reach a plain where there is clarity. It's such an interesting set of circumstances also in as much as Em on Bravo had no expectation of survival, her life she believed was over, but she came through that, she survived, and one would think the experience, living those final moments, being enclosed within the circle that was the three of them as they approached the end together, would make her view this loss as something bearable so soon after, with it still so fresh in her mind, and so the confusion she feels, the great well of emotion, anger, sadness..resistance..and her subsequent questioning of how the two situations can differ so much in how she reacts to them, is so very touching. And so very natural, though as stated above, one cannot help but wonder why we accept that so readily. Priority is a part of it, one chapter is over and done with and here is the next ride on the rollercoaster. Being able to see ahead from where she is now is the larger part of it, she's thinking of tomorrow, of what ifs and what could happen, she's yet unaware of how much influence she has over her own situation, whether the fates so to speak have decided that this condition is indeed permanent or whether there is a chance that she may find someone who can help her, a chance that the diagnosis is wrong.
Wonderfully descriptive is the scene as Kyra enters the room, that sense of Em not seeing but more so not being present, being lost in the darkness she is feeling within. Alone in every sense of the word, and so the ending is especially touching, as Kyra reveals she lost that sense of peace that filled her then too, and they come together in an embrace, of understanding. Beautifully written chapter, loved it.
*Clarity, in Yul's case, to some extent.
Sunshine, this is a chapter very close to my heart. Insight is a fleeting thing. One would think once one knew a thing that one knew it forever. I wish this was the case.
Em had that moment of insight in those last few moments when they took the pill. She lived it. The experience was not a thought, an idea. She didn't think about it and decide. When she accepted and dropped all resistance, peace flowed in as the morning tide.
But now, the tide has receded and the memory is just that, a memory. In its place is the normal Hynerian emotions to daily life and it hits her that it doesn't have to be this way yet she doesn't know how to get that peace back and it seems so ironic to her that in facing the greatest complaint--impending death--she found peace but in facing these smaller struggles she finds nothing but the emotions listed in the chapter.
As always, I cannot say enough about your wonderful comments. Thanks you Sweetest One. :-)
Awesome! Although Em is so scared and confused, she's strong and won't give up on regaining her sight. I found the "lack of peace" good - I hadn't thought about her needing that and I have no idea why I didn't. Kyra needs peace too and between the two of them, they've gone to hell together and now it's time to work their way back.
Your words brought out the true love and respect these two have for one another.
*HUUGS and KISSES* to you and Jack ;-)
Kyra is like Em's big sister. Not sure there is another relationship quite like it on Bravo. Karen, thanks for so many very kind words on the story. So glad to have you reading. :-)
It's my pleasure - really. It's great getting lost in your words and imagination. :-)
I just found your site and wanted to say how much I enjoyed your writing.
Thanks Johnny. I appreciate the kind words and hope to see you stopping by again.
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