Kyra, in black form-fitting Venusian leather, sat alone in the long white hallway, a solitary sterile way-station, a place neither here nor there. Above the white door was a clock; white face, black hands. With each minute, the long hand snapped forward with the rigid mindlessness of a soldier’s heels clicking to attention, the shrill metallic sound plopping in her mind as drops of water on the forehead, each, seemingly, successively louder, exponentially more urgent, pressing, suffocating.
After what seemed like days, the door opened. Kyra stood. Rog took a step and stopped as if waiting for his minder. Reaching forward, his palms turned upward, Kyra took his hands, her eyes flirting back and forth across his stone-like face. Rog stood stiff, upright, which was not the Rog she knew. A solitary tear slipped form the bandages around his eyes and she quickly moved her thumb to catch it. He tried to smile but his cheeks started a quiver that quickly spread to his lips.
Releasing his hands, she took his head into hers. “You don’t have to say anything.”
Her words brought worth a second tear. “Either/Or.”
“Either/Or what?”
“That’s what she told me, ‘either/or.’”
Commentary
24 comments:
Was just coming back to respond to the comment below, and here already was the choice. :-)
An extention of what you voiced in the video commentary yesterday, the hallway, Kyra's solitary state, time passing excrutiatingly slow as she waits.
Either/or, Rog made his choice and now, as from the time he made it, he will have to live with it.
Your inbetweens were never more prominent. :-) Praise must be offered when it is due, you're brilliant. I'm awed whenever I come here.
Notable is that as you have a time or two before, you have given your characters privacy when emotions have run especially high. Strange as it may sound, this being a story, and as such as opposed to real life, we are able to watch as they go about their lives, to know their feelings and their thoughts as well as seeing their actions. At times, we are with them in very private moments. We get used to that, to knowing, and so I like that sometimes we aren't allowed in, that sometimes the moment is theirs alone. Rog may yet tell us, or even Yul, but here, in the hallway, we remained with Kyra, we only see Rog in the aftermath of his reunion with Yul.
Sunshine, thanks for the sincere engaged comments. I thought of taking us inside that room, of letting us witness the meeting between Yul and Rog, but then I thought it would be more interesting to experience the moment as if we were Kyra, which is to say, we wait, and wait and when Rog comes out, we know something significant has occurred but we don't want to pry and he seems unable to say more than two words. And so, there we are.
Now, keep in mind, John is gonna have his own door to walk through. :-D
So what do you think Yul said?
Also, did you notice the play between black/white and either/or? These things are so clear in my mind I feel like I'm insulting the intelligence of the reader to point them out. Then again, remember the post "Seasons." Now that is one I would have liked to have done video to explain. :-D
That's a big question. What might Yul have said. yul is not simple and so there are several ways in which she could have approached this reunion. What I am most sure about is that she will not have treated him any differently because he is blinded, or behaved any differently. She's had time to think, she has already been through angry, through regret, she has felt alone, she has felt abondoned, and now, were to I offer a guess, it would be that she is calm. Rational, but only in as much as she is affected by her past. On the one hand, she may have been quite cold with it. But, what I would like to think happened was a happy reunion in as much as she expressed relief and gladness that they both survived, that he was able to bring Kyra, Von and Em back. There was touch of some sort, likely just hands, as these things were expressed. Rog would have spoken, either an explanation for why he left, though how precisely he would word that I do not know - would be very difficult - but if he did try, she would have stopped him. Told him, she knows him. In that understanding, at least of that side of it, the logical side as you described it, there would be forgiving, but that would be as far as it goes so to speak. Logically too, for Yul, and this is what she would have perhaps said, he was not there for her, he left in the knowledge that she might not have been there when he got back, and that stands, regardless of whether he loves her and whether she loves him. He made a choice and it cannot be undone, Yul's pain cannot be undone, and she would tell him that, not to hurt him, but to be honest, to tell him that it had stained any them there was, and that now, there was never likely to be a future them.
Maybe. :-D
John's is not going to be much easier to walk into, but he may find it a lot easier to walk away from, in other words, he will fare better, I suspect.
Sunshine, I wrote "either/or" to be purposefully ambiguous since I have still not been able to get Yul to open up to me and tell me what she is thinking and feeling. Part of me wants her to rise above the situation and part of me wonders if she has that ability. Part of me wonders what being one of the last seven of your species does to influence her decision. I mean, how many mates can you afford to blow through?
As for John, well, I'm thinking I don't really want to be John about now. :-)
No kidding, but I think I've discovered the magic to gaining weight: hitting the gym.
Best thing is, you get the weight gain and get to wear smaller-sized clothes :)
I wish I knew your characters better...it would help right about now.
But in my head I only 'see' one possible outcome of the conversation. Rog has come out of that room with all of his 'defenses' still in tact, if not more heavily armed. At least, that is the feel of the chapter when I read it. All the armor is up and rigid, as if he were afraid to slacken his spin even momentarily from the sadness - should he find himself buckled to his knees from the weight and pain of his heart.
See, I see Yul having said, "Either/Or" not as a point of decision, but as a point of amplification. I must speak of myself here. And while I would hope that in a matter of my OWN life or death, I would be magnanimous enough to release the love of my life to go to save another - chances are I would not. Facing my own mortality, I would want the one person I love and who 'supposedly' loves me to be there with me...for me...dropping their job, their title, their sense of obligation for the one relationship that meant more than any other.
Perhaps Rog's love for Yul did not pass the litmus test in her mind. Perhaps she thought, "You were thinking "either stay or go", Rog. If you loved me, truly loved me, there would never have been an option."
This is your fantasy, of course :) And perhaps my own humanness is in here. But if I were to place myself in Yul shoes, to the best of my ability, I would be kind with Rog. I would be straightforward. And I would have withdrawn myself.
Staring death in the face - or any difficult time - can weed out those that really care about us and those that don't. Love is not a logical thing. I would have felt betrayed, abandoned and set aside in the name of "duty".
I would (nicely) show Rog the door out of my life. The life that he didn't think was worth sticking around for in case it wasn't there any more. On what basically was a 'crap shoot'.
:)
ugh..spelling... that should read "Spine" :) That Rog wasn't slacking! LOL
Grace, thanks so much for that wonderfully engaged comment. I am really struggling to put myself in Yul's shoes and so feedback like yours is invaluable. I've been leaning toward Yul taking the high ground and yet every instinct I have about "Hynerian" nature screams just the opposite. And, well, Yul is not the most magnanimous one of the bunch and we know how she originally reacted when she heard he was leaving--so I suppose all this leads toward her showing him the door. Then again, that would make for a more interesting story dynamic in that Rog could then work to regain her trust and love or, there could just be a continued underlying tension between them--in between episodes of very hot and sultry sex because the story just has to have that, although I suppose Yul could find someone besides Rog to meet those needs--LOL.
To give you a little background on what happened, Kyra, Von and Em left to pursue a distress signal. In the course of that pursuit, their vessel was attacked and disabled. They in turn sent their own distress signal saying they only had six days of power remaining. The powers that be decided the risk was not worth the reward of attempting a rescue, so when Rog and John received the distress call from Kyra, they knew, that if Kyra, Von and Em were to be saved, it would have to be up to their "rogue" efforts. And so, Rog made the choice and rationalized it by thinking there was nothing he could do to save Yul but there was something he could do to save the other three. Of course, he has been haunted by the decision ever since but the feelings are blurred since his efforts did save three lives. Nothing is every as clear or straight forward as we would like. Life is shades of gray I suppose.
Next to Kyra, Yul might be the most interesting character in the story. She is the most sexual of the group, has attempted suicide and messed around with contraband. ;-D
Grace, again, I love to pieces your comment and your willingness to take the time to share your thoughts. Love and peace to you my friend and maybe a scotch or two too. ;-)
You're welcome...this is very fun. I'm totally captivated by your method.
Say, does Yul also drink scotch, too?? I probably knew her in another life :-D
OK..so now I'm TOTALLY giving two thumbs up for Yul giving Rog the boot. First of all, for all the reasons you listed. And second, I wonder if Rog would find himself distancing himself from Krya...sort of a weird underlying resentment/projection and all that. Didn't you say that Yul and Krya aren't exactly shopping girlfriends?
Unfortunately (or fortunately) it seems that our lower natures DO generate alot more interest and drama sometimes...
And there is that whole makeup/resentment/I-love-you-hate-you sex thing. Are you going to narrate those parts, too? LOL :-D
Grace, Yul is a snoot drinker, which is a cross between what we could call whiskey and rum. It is a golden, rather thicker liquid. Of course, she also has "the vial" which is an illegal aphrodisiac, and when she partakes of the vial, snoot is not really needed. :-D
Yes, you are correct in that Kyra and Yul are not exactly close. Kyra and Rog are friends, nothing more. Rog is just not in Kyra's league, although he would take her in a heartbeat if given half a chance. Although it looks as if there could be some affection between the two, most of what you are seeing is someone who has just been rescued from certain death by someone who risked his own relationship to do so, so the fondness Kyra is showing Rog has more to do with that than anything else.
As for the between the sheets or bent over the kitchen table chapters, yes, I'll do commentary on those too and perhaps a reading/commentary, if, of course, there is a request for such. This whole story got started with such a chapter about eighteen months ago. ;-)
By the way, do gummy bears work in the shower? You know, I just haven't been able to get the idea of feeding you gummy bears in the shower ever since you mentioned them. I see you with one hand on the beige tile, bracing yourself, the other hand is holding a crystal glass of scotch with two ice cubes, square shaped, and your head leaning back, mouth open, as I feed you another gummy bear. I know, I know, these things don't fit together but when an image gets in my mind, well, it gets stuck. ;-)
Always did love when you did commentary, and these video ones are all the better. :-)
I see the possibility much clearer, or as one more likely to happen, now of that second option. Yul's past was(is) a large part of who she is, but that does not mean that she will not be able to let that go. The more you spoke of it, the more I thought back to the chapter where Rog listened to Yul's dock story, that event could have helped shape her conclusions following her operation. It was in light of Rog's reaction as described by you here that convinced me that it would be possible for Yul to let go of the past. Full of anticipation for what Yul will show you. :-)
Very, very nicely done!
Thank you Sunshine. I really don't know what I'm going to have Yul do/done with regard to that conversation. I think she wants Rog but I think she also wants to make him pay a price for what he did.
You know, I have to tell you, I was going to have Rog walk in and see the Oblivions sitting on the nightstand and then I realized Rog can't see--LMAO--so that kinda put an end to that idea. :-)
:-D!
Sweet dreams, x
'Kyra...seemingly sucessively louder" this first para is so well written It is a moment painfully expectant...Its almost like a punishment.. like ancient chinese torture, where they keep droping water in drops on the forehead...the sound becoming louder till it tends to threaten to the explode the mind. In short, very very tense moments for Kyra.
Yul, the black sheep has undergone a very profound experience, has escaped a near death experience that has made her fall into her centre.she is at a stage where she realises the value of life, of living.Perhaps she sees her experience as a teacher that makes her more compassionate and feel the worth of small moments, of sacrifces that one makes in life when one has to make choices, either this or that.Maybe she is more underatanding of Rog's pain, his dilemma when he had to choose between her & Kyra.& it usually happens so, that you tend to hurt the one you love, because you trust that he/ she will understand why you did what you did, because he/ she is close to you than any other & you expects him to know. Maybe Yul understands now, why Rog did what he did. & also, in his present state, where he has lost one of his senses, Yul can see that he has suffered too.
Yul's sounding more like a girl after my own heart all the time ;)
Gummy bears and showers? Sounds intriquing! No wonder you have a bevy of beauties here. You're a real charmer and delightful.
Now, off to the shower I go. ;-D
(and thanks...thanks very much....you made my heart smile)
Oh Grace, if you are anything like Yul we are going to have a long and fruitful and fun online relationship, he says as the sound of cascading water fills his imagination, of eyes closed and water warm, of breathing steady and time suspended. Turn around, there is a spot on your back you missed. :-D
Grace, if I've made you smile this morning, then I take that as a high compliment. You've made me smile too. :-)
Mona, your comments enthrall me to no end. I just sit and read and reread them and feel seduced by the depth of your mind, by the openness with which you share your own experiences, with the maturity of your educated and uninhibited hand. I want to sit at a table and stare into your eyes as you weave your magic with stories and words as I try not to get lost in your deep dark windows that seem to look right through me.
Before I forget, see what you do to me, I want to thank you for your very, very kind words on that opening paragraph. I've been in that seat that Kyra was in, just waiting and waiting on pens and needles, not knowing what you are going to say and hoping that whatever comes out of your mouth in the moment does more good than harm. What is real and what is not real--I think that is the question Kyra is struggling with as she waits her turn to visit Yul.
Now, how Yul reacts when Rog walks in that door? Well, I think we are getting closer to finding out. As you can see, she has granted me an interview. :-D
OK... I want to know what the conversation was. The second alternative - Yul sharing something from her heart, I was struck with more emotion than the other. Yul has been through so much and now so has Rog. I hope they can both put the past behind them with a new understanding about one another. You know me - I love happy endings.
I can imagine Kyra feels horrible about all of it. I wonder what she will do?
Karen, so do I. :-D
I think we are moving in that direction with these interviews. I do have to tell you, however, if Yul unzips her shirt again, the interview is going out the window. No worries. The chapter I write on that experience will more than make up for it. :-D
I knew Jack had a lot to do with this chapter... LOL
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