Rog took a heavy breath. "Kyra--" He squeezed her hands and tilted his head slightly as if the words in his mind were leaning the ship as they attempted to escape.
"I'm here Rog and I'm not going anywhere. Would you like me to go in with you or wait outside?"
Rog sighed. "I thought this moment would be a happy moment. She survived. She is going to live--a miracle. Even the doctors said as much. So, it is a happy time. Right?"
Kyra leaned into Rog, wrapping her arms around him and whispered into his ear, "I don't know what happiness is anymore. But I do know that door is a bridge, one we both must cross. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"I've played it out, the decision, in my mind a thousand times. When you lose your sight, your mind just goes into overdrive, relentlessly thinking and it has been driving me crazy. I no longer know what is real and what is pure bullshiott." Rog paused. Kyra held him tight. Only the sound of their breathing could be heard in the hallway. (camera pans from the back of Kyra's beautiful black mane--she is dressed in her form fitting black leather--180 degrees as we see her sapphire blue eyes water as rain on glass and look down and to the left). "You know what I fear the most?"
A tear falls from Kyra's eye and we watch in slow motion it fall toward the white floor. "Tell me Rog."
Rog rolled his upper lip inside his lower. Kyra could feel his heavy warm breath on her neck and images of a braying horse in the start gate, lathered with uncertainty stuck in her whirling mind (she would later say the smell of fresh turned earth filled her senses as clearly as if she were on that horse). "That the Yul in that room is not our Yul."
Kyra feels Rog tremble with the words and she hold him tighter. Camera picks up a wetness on his eye mask. She rolls her eyes upward. "I know."
Commentary and Backstory
20 comments:
So far they have come, all three of them, they have survived and all that remains between a reunion with Yul is just to walk through a door. The enormity of what is really just a few paces you have impressed so within this chapter, their fear becomes ours, of what we might find behind that door, though we have seen her where they have not. Hoping for forgiveness and understanding, at the same time not feeling that they deserve it, nor that Yul should be able to offer it readily. Could go both ways, Yul's reaction to seeing them, and I see both scenarios clearly. Either way, it will not be easy for Kyra or Rog (or Yul). She may offer understanding, she may offer anger, or she may offer them nothing. It's the prospect of nothing, of coldness borne from hurt and disappointment, they fear must most. Very poignant scene it is, feel as hesitant to enter. Wonderful, wonderful chapter. :-)
Thank you Sweetest. I'm thinking of doing a video to explain further what is happening here and perhaps paint the picture a bit more. I think back to the scene when Rog made the decision to leave and Yul hurled the phone against the wall smashing it to pieces. Seems like a lifetime ago and all this time, Yul has had time to think, to enter the waters of life and death on the operating table, experience the hand of Mairi and come out the other side alive but alone, painfully alone. And now, once the coast is clear, here comes Rog, or so it seems to her. How does he bridge that gap, the gap in her mind and in her heart. Then again, I don't want to assume what Yul is feeling. There is a good chance Yul might surprise us all. Starring death in the face has a way of changing us. Maybe. ;-)
As always, your wonderfully kind words are very much appreciated. :-)
I think you just became my favorite "reality" show! LOL Woo Whoo!
Staying tuned here! (looks around for her sour gummy worms and snowcaps...)
Grace, I do aim to please. I'll take some of those gummy worms. What else you got? :-D
No problem, we'll get beach-worthy bodies in no time from the gym.
This is why I love it when you do commentary. :-) When a chapter is read there is such an influx of impressions and thoughts, one hardly has time to develop propely before the next dozen wash in, and this is why, as I have said, your chapters often stay close for a length of time after. Aware from the words, what Rog faces and may face, aware that he has lost the ability to see, aware of the atmosphere and moods, the emotions, within the piece, as time moves, the chapter comes to a close, and it becomes time to say something about why it was a worthy read. What you do in commentary is firstly take us back, frame by frame so to speak, to concentrate on one aspect at a time, and secondly we are given the opportunity to hear the author elaborate in detail about the thoughts behind each part. Reaching the end of a chapter, especially one such as this where what happens next is a matter of great anticipation, a large part of focus faces forward to that, to what comes next, excitement if you will, and these reign that in, making the chapter more - focus on the questions in themselves, rather than what the possible answers might be. Sobering, for lack of a better word.
Absolutely loved this commentary, loved the dip into Rog. Really I should go into detail about this instead, what I will do instead is mention the description of the hallway, and tell you that I am certain anyone listening will be struck by the impression you sought to give. Excellent, excellent stuff!
OMG bloody beautiful! ty Tre!
Ur my fav youTuber now :)
Keshi.
HEY!
LOVING the commentary!
BRINGS IT all to Life!
WOO!
thank you!
~d, thanks for the kind words and you are very welcome. I'll keep doing video commentary as long as there is a desire and as long as I feel it adds to the depth of the story.
Oh Kesh, good to know I'm at the top of at least one list. :-D
Thanks for the kind and sweet words. Always appreciated. :-)
Sweetest, it is a good thing YouTube limits an individual video to ten minutes. As you know, I could explore the nuances of each chapter for hours. Plot is nice and I suppose we have to have some plot, but I would much rather swim between the notes, to explore what is happening on an individual level in the here and now as opposed to the bigger picture. I relate to the emotion of a kiss, a confrontation, an expectation, a choice. The fabric of those decisions and those experiences, of hope and joy, and pain and lost--that is what I want to explore, there is where I want to connect, that is the river I want to swim.
I feel for Rog. He was put into an impossible situation. I just hope he doesn't try and talk himself out of this one. :-D
Ready when you are Saffy. :-)
Sunshine, two ways to go with this chapter. (1) we see what happens in that room between Yul and Rog; (2) we fast-forward an hour and the door opens with Rog coming out. He stops, Kyra takes his hands, there is a moment of silence before she asks what happens. Rog's cheeks start to quiver as does his lips and he utters just two words: either/or. And the scene fades away. LOL
By the way, where would you rank my teasing ability? I'm open for practice to sharpen my skills if need be. :-D
"when you lose sight your mind goes in an overdrive....dont know what is real what is bullshoiit"
A very powerful and significant statement, not only literally where you are one sense lesser but also symbolically so.It has happened with me...losing the mind to the virtual in favour of reality... when your reality turn dark and gloomy and murky...when it is too much to bear the daily grind of constant pain... to sleep in pain .. to wake up in pain...& then something happens...you suddenly discover that the pain is no longer there...your mind in its bid to escape has crossed the fine line between the real & the imaginary & you are suddenly into a diffrent world...maybe delusional, yet so beautiful...
"Ranj se gar ho pareshaan dil to mit jaataa hai ranj/ mushkilein mujh par padeein itni ke aasaan ho gayein" : the excruciating pain in my heart became so unbearable that it erased itself/ and I watched before my eyes my dilemmas transform into easy drifts...
& now I find myself at a stage where I can seperate myself from both pain of reality and pleasure of imagination & can diffrentiate... I have discovered that only the real has memories...not the imaginary...
But it does not mean that the imaginary is redundant.. it has a its plus point in that it bring out the best of creativity from you...
Sometimes when you examine the pieces you have created, you realise you no longer feel them...just like miss the pain of a child who is born out of you,, after it has left your form & after the umblical chord has been severed...Yet you have produced something very alive & living...a treasure box, where you have transformed all your pleasure and pain and where you can see it throbbing and living in front of your eyes.
Isnt it so tree? dont you feel like that about whatever you create?
Ah! back to the chapter.. very sensitive and significant moments described so wonderfully.at once poignant & hopeful, the suspense of what is to be, what might or might not be...
Mona, I can't claim to know or even begin to know what giving birth is like, what that creation is like, what that separation is like and I don't think any man can. I do like the metaphor and I am in love with how you describe it and I would love to hear you take me there in detail, to see your face, the expressions, to feel your emotion and passion as betrayed by your eyes, to know, as well as words and feelings can convey, what you feel, what you think, in that moment of birth, that moment of one becoming two, of the cries and the blood and the raw naked touching of the sacred. In that regard, I envy women. You have the opportunity to experience life, the creation in a way that a man never can.
Now, as for the creation of a chapter, of writing, of the blurring between what is real and what is imagination, of pain so intense it creates a break, a break that releases the burden and the view is such that was never imagined and as soon as it is seen the clouds of fear emerge, the fear of the horder, the fear of losing what one has no idea how they got, the fear that the view is temporary. I have seen the view and I have felt the fear and I have experienced the slipping away and I have longed for the return.
Fantastic chapter and the video did help understand it more. I feel awful for Rog - for the decision he made and for his injuries. I wonder, if by walking away and making that decision, if he could not face seeing Yul die? Although she needed him, I can't help but wonder if his past left him unable to deal with such a loss?
The interaction between Kyra and Rog is beautiful. I must say I'm sad to see "their" Yul disappear, she came so far when with Rog and learning from Kyra.
Karen, if I'm having a beer with Rog, the only thing I can think to tell him is, if he had stayed with Yul, Kyra, Von and Em would either be dead right now or imprisoned and undergoing torture. Now, with what Kyra can do, that might not exactly be the case, but that is what I would be telling him. Right now, I don't think Yul gives a flip for that argument, and, if I'm her, I can understand. It was a tough position. We all heard the distress call. If that call didn't move you to tears then you are made of stone. I don't see how Rog and John don't respond. I feel for Rog. He did what he thought was right. He saved three lives. And the price, it seems, is he has lost the one he loves. Such is life.
I understand more after watching the commentary for Either/Or. Yes, I can understand Yul being upset but you're right, Rog saved three lives. There's nothing he could have done while Yul was in surgery. He did not really leave her - he was caught between a rock and a hard place.
I feel almost as if I am holding my breath for not only Rog and Kyra, but for Yul as well. Regardless of what happens when he goes through that door, nothing will be the same. It can't be. None of them are the same after what they have been through both individually and collectively. I realize that you may have already posted the chapter where he walks through that door. I am enjoying this so much, it's like I got a bunch of Christmas presents when I peeked in your blog today. Oh Trée, I love, love, love all the comments that are written by everyone in response to your story.Its like the story in the story, with little stories in them. Autumn always says the things I cannot find words for and oh so much more. It seems that Autumn is the key builder and definer. I love reading her comments. Everyone who comments, your comments--and the story just grows and grows. Mona writes comments with such depth and sensitivity I wish I could sit at her feet and just listen to her thoughts on life in general. Her comments to this post left me in awe. I am glad that you chose to keep your story in this form rather than to publish it because it seems sometimes that each of us, our very heart and soul and life blood flows through this book as if it had veins and it lives a flow through. And though you write...in it, we live.
smooches dear man.
Oliviah, I have found the musical Yul: Tori Amos. She and her music is perfect for Yul. Right now I'm watching the AOL sessions which seems to be an entire concert. Take her hair and color it green and purple and yellow and gray, and you have Yul in all of your lustful sensual sexiness! LOL
You have again hit the nail on the head. This story is not the same in a book. Books are dead. The story on this blog is a living entity and although I may post the chapter, you and all the other commenters breath life into it in ways that I never could and the story becomes something much more than just a story. You said it better than I am and I love you to pieces for saying what I have known.
As for Yul, I am still debating just exactly what she is going to tell me in the second part of the interview. In the meantime, several chapters have come to mind, one in particular between Von and Rog where Rog tells Von what happened and seeks his advice. I also have a chapter where Kyra sends him back into the room. LOL
You are a gift to me Oliviah. Now go get those pillows. Time's a'wasting. :-D
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