John: How many men are down?
Arn: (blank stare)
John: How many?
Arn: All of them.
John: (taps his comm) Kyra? (silence) Kyra, come in.
Arn: (sits on the curb)
John: Rog, this is John, do you read?
Rog: What's up?
John: Get everyone back to the ship.
Rog: (no response)
John: Rog, did you--
Rog: I heard you. We've got a problem.
John: What?
Rog: Kyra's missing.
John: What do you mean missing?
Rog: You know, like not here.
John: I know what missing is. Can you elaborate?
Rog: We went our separate ways. Suppose to meet back in three hours.
John: And?
Rog: She's not here. Not responding to her comm.
John: (no response. looks at Arn who is staring into space)
Rog: John, what's going on?
John: We've been compromised.
Rog: What?
John: They knew we were coming here.
Rog: Did you get the codes?
John: We got the codes.
Rog: Well?
John: Get everyone back to Bravo.
Rog: I'm not leaving without Kyra.
John: Rog--
Rog: I'm not leaving John.
John: She's not here.
Rog: Shiott!
John: Rog--
Rog: Hang on, incoming from Von. (Von stayed behind on Bravo)
Von: Rog, we're under attack.
Rog: John--
John: I heard.
Rog: Damn.
Von: Gonna need some--(loud explosion)
John: Von?
Rog: Von?
27 comments:
I have confidence in Kyra's strength that she can survive "missing" and "not here". I just don't want her to become MORE like John with his sadness of soul. I think she is already a deep, closet-melancholy type. If this is as bad for her as the foreboding feels, I hope she draws on ANGER to overcome it (sounds weird I know, coming from me).
Anger she could handle. Self pity would weaken her I think.
And of course, I am thinking about the emotion and not the physical health of Kyra - I'm such a girl.
So few word and descriptions to build a real sense of urgency!!! Jen
Jen, I'm fascinated with your view of Kyra as "a deep, closet-melancholy type." I'll have to give that some thought. Interesting. :-)
What a cliffhanger!
Just don't get too close to the edge. :-D
What a begininng..
hope the ending holds
hope..
fondly, deena
Deena, I have a good feeling it will. ;-)
Hope you are doing as well as you seem to be doing. I'm still carrying buckets up the hill, quietly.
Deep, closet-melancholy type.... Leadership is a burden. Being responsible for so many lives, and life and death choices, BURDEN. Suffering loss of love, even if it is accessable in ways, a burden.
Melancholy - sadness or a tendency to be sad. Kyra in her quiet moments in the story exudes this to me.
The 'closet' part meaning as a leader, she has to personify strength, and sadness is seen as a weakness. So she tamps it down, deep, and hides it away.
But lucky girl, she gets to look frailin' hot in body-glove leather, with her long dark hair and green (right?) eyes, melancholy or not. And a mysterious/conflicting nature would only serve to make her more attractive.
I could work up a pretty good set of green eyed-ness toward her....
The adult female character that I most identify with is Em. And you know, if it were she that had been taken by the Hood, I would have far less confidence in her safe return. I guess Kyra is the character that one would aspire to be like, where as Em is more like a peer.
Jen, I can't much disagree with anything you just summarized about Kyra. I suppose what I find so interesting is I would have never given her that label but then again, there it is and it fits her fairly well. If anyone ever tells you an author knows his or her story and characters better than anyone else, they're not telling you the whole truth. Characters take on a life of their own and once they leave the hands of the writer, well, then they become like children growing up. And like those children, sometimes it is the parent that is the last to see their child as something other than a child.
Oh, and Kyra has pristine, scintillating, coruscating sapphire blue eyes. :-D
Oh, the danger and suspense! Love those fast pace dialogs. It's so real.
Deb, these are easy to do and the lazy part of me would like to write the whole story this way. :-D
As always, thanks for the kind words.
Slipped over to Trebuchet (sp) to see "Mine" again. I still love that image!!!!
BLUE! Of course I remember now, and unsure where I came up with green. I like your return comment. And I like the thought of writing being akin to parenting. Be blessed Tree and write write write! The voracious readers are HUNGRY!
Quick dialogue is simpler sometimes isn't it? I've played with the idea of doing the 'name:' thing too, but have always shied away from it in favour of the more traditional approach... It can get tedious writing '...said Ed ...said Tom ...said Annabell' though, especially in conversations with more than two characters.
Jen, I'm off on a three day business trip in a few hours. One never knows when inspiration to write will appear--like on the plane--but there is a good chance the meetings will consume me body, mind and soul. :-D
I've been trying to wean people off my image blog in so much as it is a playground of my imagination and The Story and not necessarily a full standing blog in its own right. Feel free to continue to visit and even comment if you like, but I'm trying to direct blogging time from others here.
As always, your kind words and enthusiasm for The Story makes me smile. Hope the rest of your weekend is filled with smiles and happiness. Peace.
Tom, since I don't publish nor have any desire to publish I have the freedom to do whatever I like whenever I like with my writing. The only thing I'll tell you about this story is the style will change to suit the mood I am in at any particular point--without notice. I will say, some chapters really lend themselves to a certain format. Short quick dialogue like we see here works really well in two settings: tense, abrupt and fast-paced action or elbows on the bar. :-D
Hey you, I've had connection problems and am hoping as I type this that I will finally get the albeit short comment published that I wrote earlier. Safe and pleasant journey, missing you as much as I always do.
Poppet, what are you doing to us. Kyra missing and those two frightfully large question marks at the end, no rest for the wicked as the story darts from one emotional curve to the next and all the while one falls more deeply for your characters. Agree wholeheartedly with Jen’s wonderful comment (all, not just the following subject) above and not just for the reasons that we know that she makes it to Earth, it is she that inspires the belief and confidence and certainty that she will survive and conquer come what may, that she is indeed special, not invincible, but special nonetheless.
With a chapter such as this, surprisingly perhaps since it is so very different from chapters where descriptions are comprehensive and the visuals are established thereby, the action plays as written, blanks are more or less blanks and not necessary to fill, akin to how when drama plays out focus is concentrated and the particulars are forgettable. At the end of their comms are three (Kulmykian/Hynerian) men, each so established as characters that their very words conjure an idea of expression, of intonation, of stance and gestures, of thought and feeling…with great wonder and supreme admiration for how you do what you do in regard to the many things that you do as a writer.
Success. :-)
Take good care of you. Love and hugs, x
Great dialogue, kept me on the edge of my seat, and I can't wait for more!
omg, what happened? great dialog, very real and suspenseful.
Hey there you gorgeous specimen of man, :-D, missing you like you've been gone a year. Take care, see you soon, x
Dang! What's happened to Kyra? And Von? Who/what is attacking them?
Argh, the suspense!! And no new updates still!!
Where Kyra is, Trée is.
And ... the Nautilus fractal is beyond belief.
WOW! Great suspense.
ooooh Kyra's in the closet? Maybe I could help her find her way out.
Okay, first of all this was hilarious:
John: What do you mean missing?
Rog: You know, like not here.
John: I know what missing is. Can you elaborate?
Second...I am on pins and needles here. Holy intense, Tree!
--snow
A sincere thanks for all who commented. We'll find out soon enough what exactly has happened or is happening to Kyra. :-)
ah! so much action and suspense build in such few words!
I think you are ready to do a 55ve now :D
Almost Mona. So many 55 masters out there, like yourself, I think I'll leave that field to those who do it so well. Your latest 55, by the way, is as good as any you have written. I love the ones with wisdom and truth tinged with the cold edge of life. Business above all else. Wow.
Oh, my God.
I'm SO on the edge of my seat like I've never been on the edge of my seat!
I'm SOOOOOOoooooooo jealous of Kyra right now.
Do we know why?
I think we know why.
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