1. FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3. NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"
4. GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
5. LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"
6. THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome
22 comments:
lol, I love your list. It is very true
So true! Now, if only my husband could understand all this, I'd be a happy camper. :D
The even funnier thing, I use all of these terms. LOL
Tree, how did you know I use those words?
;)
LOL! You've learned your lesson well :-)
(Along with Tony over at http://fuggettaboutit.blogspot.com/
-can't link it, so had to copy and paste - just one of many)
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Show Me Crane Technique Dad
Last night I became a Sensei. What I have hoped and dreamed for all my life happened. My oldest son came to me for my wisdom, looking to be enlightened.
"Dad, I don't get it. I come home from work after a fifteen hour day, say hi to my wife and crash on the couch for a few minutes just to unwind. She sits across from me not saying anything so immediately I know something is wrong. (He's learning already.)
I make the mistake of asking her, "What's wrong? She says predictably, "nothing." Now I know I'm really in trouble. If I press the issue I'll piss her off for pressing the issue, if I ignore her I'm dead because I'm not communicating. (He is wise beyond his years.)
Finally she relents and says, "You never want to do anything." So I say, "What do I not want to do?" She says, "Anything." So I say, "Give me an example." She says, "Like go to a coffee shop and just hang out and read a book." So I say, "You don't even drink coffee." She says, "I drink tea." I say, "I can make you tea right here." She says, "It's not the same atmosphere as a coffee shop." So I say, "Okay let's go to a coffee shop." She says, "You're only saying that to make me happy. You don't really want to go to a coffee shop." So I say, "I don't ever want to go to a coffee shop. I would only go to a coffee shop to make you happy. Isn't that the point?"
I looked at my son, who now had this lost look on his face, and I remembered when he was a boy and scratched his first Lotto ticket and came up empty. I knew that look.
"Grasshopper, show me sand the floor."
"What dad?"
"Show me, paint the fence."
"Dad this isn't funny."
"Show me, Wax on! Wax off!"
"Dad, you're not making any sense."
"AHA!!!!"
"Now grasshopper you are beginning to see the light."
"But dad I'm trying to make her happy."
"There is no try, only do."
"Do WHAT???"
"Sweep the leg?"
"Sweep the leg? You want me to trip her? Are you nuts?"
"Um... Fear has no place in this Dojo."
"I'm afraid and confused every damn day dad. Give me a little real advice please."
"STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY SIR. Wait... that's what women do, let me think."
"Dad knock it off I'm trying to learn how to make my wife happy."
"First learn stand, then learn fly. Nature rule, son, not mine."
"You're a big help dad. Is this how you deal with mom?"
A moment of serenity now filled the room and I could swear I smelled Lotus blossoms. I saw by the look on my sons face that he had seen the light. He was one with the hopelessness that is the married man. He now knew that he would never know and that all was right with the world.
[...]
Then why do men always say they don't understand wome?
You understand just fine.
Oh, and thanks for posting this.
Oh...my....gawd.
My husband is a woman.
Absolutely hilarious...Been there, done that and you hit it right on the head
Agnes, lol!
BEAUTIFUL!!! Very true. :-)
What is going on at this blog?! I am totally UNLINKING from it and never coming back. You've been watching everybody loves Raymond HAVEN'T YOU? Huh? That's right! That's his bit! Cheater...
lol, how true - I'm going to show my hubby this and maybe he'll undestand me a bit better :)
BA~~29
Those were great... and of course NONE apply to me. I'm wonderful and mean what I say. ;-) LOL
I love that one. It is very funny. :) I am sooo much the *sigh* type.
BA~~93
lol Trée! Your list is right on!!!! At least you understand 'woman speak.'
Indeed, that list is so true. ;-)
JC
I almost snorted tea through my nose reading that list - do me a HUGE favour, send it to every man you know LOL! Thanks for making me giggle ;-)
Testing Opera and ability to post with this browser.
LOL so funny and so true
Ha. Funny and definitely true.
very good, but, like any man, I'm sure you don't follow the list.
LOL.... HA! So true Tree... Yes indeed...!
Fine.
Post Tree. And...
Thanks!
You know us well! :)
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