“Come in Yul. What’s the update?” asked Kyra.“Trev is administering the agent of retribution as we speak. Rog and Emy looked pretty excited to be back, don’t you think?”
“I’m sorry Yul, what did you say?”
“You miss him don’t you.”
“Rog?”
“No, Kieran.”
“What makes you say that.”
“Are you kidding me,” laughed Yul. “Look at your hands. Disinterest doesn’t do that.”
Kyra smiled.
“Sit down Yul. Tell me what you see.”
“Permission to speak freely?”
“Yes Yul, always. Please.”
“We all appreciate the burden you carry and quite frankly I’m not sure where we would be without you Kyra. But you are as Hynerian as the rest of us.”
Kyra leaned forward in her chair, her eyes slightly wide and focused on Yul. Those brilliant blue eyes framed by strands of silky black hair that fell loosely over her reddish cheeks. Regal even in repose, thought Yul.
Tilting her head slightly to the right, her eyes softening as if to say I understand, Yul asked, “Did you tell him?”
Kyra starred straight ahead as if she was looking right through Yul. Here but not here in a moment. Yul felt a book in that vacant look and wondered if she had been too presumptuous.
“I’m sorry Kyra. I didn’t mean to pry.”
“No, no not at all. I’m just a little stunned and confused and lost all at once. I’m experiencing emotions with a strength and ferocity I’ve never felt before and they seem to be muddying the waters of my mind.”
Yul’s eyes narrowed, her lips rolled together and cheek bones rose slightly.
Kyra hesitated.
“And no, I didn’t tell him. I had just about worked up my nerve when you came in with news of Rog.”
“Oh Kyra.”
“You didn’t know Yul. How could you. Can I ask you a question?”
“Anything Kyra.”
“Have you ever been in love?”
“Yes.”
“Tell me.”
“What would you like to know?”
“How did you know?”
“Know?”
“How did you know it was love and not some silly infatuation?”
“Oh. Well, I’m not sure how to answer. Not sure I know the answer. Not sure anyone does. The feeling does not loan itself to words. Love is in the spaces between the words, between the notes as they say. As soon as you try to use words the essence slips away like water through a fist. I hate to say you just know but . . .”
Kyra just sat.
“Kyra, let me put it this way. You are at Valla. First visit since winter has passed. You rise early, walk the path to the beach. Barefoot, you walk to the water, warm sand underfoot. The sun smoothly peeks over the horizon. There is not another soul in sight. Simultaneously the warm water laps at your ankles while the cool fresh air of dawn awakens your senses like a hot cup of snizzle. Your out-breath is more of a sigh, and with that sigh the thought occurs that life is about as good as it gets. Now imagine if every breath brought that feeling.”
Kyra thought for a second. “Would you say love is a timeless, needless space?”
“Never heard it put that way. Not sure I understand needless.”
“Papa often tried to help me see the folly of desire, the endlessness of desire and the foolishness of chasing it. He told me, “Kyra, satisfy one desire and two more will take its place.” When I think of Kieran, all the things I think I need or want drop away, almost as if the one desire to hold his hand, to stand with him in silence, sucks the air out of every other want.”
“Mmm, sounds like just another desire.”
“I know. Yet . . .”
“Yet, it’s different somehow.”
“Yes, different. Or perhaps just a subtle rationalization covering the most baseless and shameless selfishness.”
“Perhaps. Then again . . .”
“I don’t know. I just don’t know Yul. I had the most selfish thoughts in the iso ward.”
“Kyra, can I tell you something?”
“Please.”
“You think too much. Love is not in thinking. Thinking misses the spaces. What happens if you stop thinking?”
“Go on.”
“I’m serious. Stop thinking. Stop mind mapping. Stop analyzing. Stop beating yourself up. Stop doubting. Stop the mental gymnastics. Let go of your need to know. Can you just let go?”
Kyra sat stunned. For the second time in twenty-four hours someone had told her to let go. Was she so obvious in her grasping, so transparent in her selfish neediness.
“There you go again. Stop it. You will never find love in a word. Words are just words and love is something other. You sense it in a look or a touch. As my nanny use to say, ‘Love is a verb dear, not a noun.’ ”
Kyra smiled. “Thank you Yul.”
“For what?”
“For being honest and direct with me.”
“Kyra, I don’t mean to interrupt,” said Goldie, "but Trev says he needs you in the iso ward right now.”
Kyra looked at Yul.
“Go. And leave the thinking here. All you need bring is your heart. Oh, and Kyra.”
“Yes?”
“Let go of everything you know. Dissolve into the flow. Let love carry you. If you try to carry it, it will crush you.”
25 comments:
'Take another little piece of my heart now baby' :-) With each chapter, I think, 'wow, how can this get any better, how can I get any more involved/interested to know the outcome?', but I do. Fab chapter, I was sold at the title, all the way through and well and truly done by the end. :-)
Awww, Sunshine. You truely warm my heart with your comments. Thank you dear sweetest of the sweet ones. Just wait for part two. :-D
Oh I am. With breathless anticipation :-)
wow, wow, wow and did I mention wow, I do love the way you write luv :0)
Love is in the spaces between the words
so true, so very very true :0)
can't wait for part 2 :0)
“Let go of everything you know. Dissolve into the flow. Let love carry you. If you try to carry it, it will crush you.”
*sigh*
It is said that real writers, the ones that really experience things write with such clarity and such depth of meaning that it makes the reader stop dead in their tracks. Such is your post. Why is it that when ever I read your entries all I see is truth and honesty?
Yours is one of a handful of blogs I get this feeling from.
Just do me a huge favour? Don't let Kyra get broken hearted. :-)
p.s.
The frac is totally beautiful. It looks as if someone has taken a magic wand and created it in the air - it's so lovely.
Have a wonderful evening :-)
You know Trée, you're description of the feelings of love (not some silly infatuation) described by Yul are ones I know well. You are amazing to describe them so precisely - as if you know them yourself. Such a great detail of reality.
Thanks Trace. Travel safe sweetie. We've all missed you. :-)
Thanks Leigh for your very kind and sweet and touching comments.
I love these characters and for some strange reason really love seeing myself through a female character. I'm in love with Kyra but that sure was such a strong and touching performance by Yul. I might need to get to know her a little better now--LOL.
By the way, I have a side view sketch of Kyra up at Trebuchet--nude from the waist up--tasteful I might add. :-)
I haven't drawn Yul yet but I have the image in my mind. If I'm seeing clearly I think she has blonde hair and pale greyish blue eyes. :-)
Terry, good to see you again. Thanks for those very kind words. I try and write from the heart, to try and touch emotions I'm familar with. I've known love and I've known love that slipped away, the tears and rain as Blunt might say.
I can't tell you how much it pleases me that a post like this touches you. Thanks for that Terry.
Happy swimming in dreamland, x
Sunshine, I felt like I was floating on my back in the middle of a crystal clear pristine mountain lake on a very warm early summer day. Not a man-made sound to be heard. Hope you are having a wonderful Sunday. :-)
Wow, that sounds absolutely devine!
Good morning, x
Oh it was. And that wasn't the half of it. :-D
That was the best description of (LOVE), I have ever read in my long years of reading. I don't think there could be a topper to that! Also that is the best fractal I've seen with a white background, very hard to do with white.
Thanks DJB. I sat down yesterday morning and this post just flowed out of me. It wasn't there an hour before and I don't think it would have been there an hour later. Sometimes I don't really think I write this stuff as much as just watch me fingers type it out.
As for the image, this one was created in Tiera-zon with the standard black background. I then took it to ACDSee and used their "negative" filter to turn the black to white. Sometimes you just get lucky. Perhaps some of Jenni's luck from yesterday rubbed off on me. :-D
I love this part. It's my favorite so far. You made me have tears!!
Oh bbb, there is no crying on this blog. :-D
Thanks for the sweet words bbb. Do you miss me? Say yes. ;-)
Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES. :)
I do, bbb.
y tu tambien?
Sí, sí y sí. :-)
you just made my night, love.
Awww, if only it was always so easy. :-D
Keep warm bbb. :-)
always. :)
There's just so much wisdom in these writings of yours. I think I have said this before but these characters do not seem fictional, they seem real. The fractals are a perfect art form for the story, they speak like the written words do. Tossing you a hug!
Oliviah, you have made my night. Thank you sweetie for such loving and kind words.
I love my characters to pieces. They take me places I would otherwise never get to see or experience. The story is still image driven. And I'm still just as excited as ever to see where the story goes next. :-)
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