Ariel: Mommy?
Cait: Yes dear?
Ariel: Does daddy still love us?
Cait: (takes a controlled breath) Yes, he loves us very much.
Ariel: Then why won’t he talk to me anymore?
--
Cait: John?
John: Hi Sweetie.
Cait: Your daughter had a question for me this afternoon. Would you like to hear it?
John: Of course. What did she ask?
Cait: If you still loved her.
John: (silence)
Cait: Did you hear me John?
John: Yes, put her on the phone.
Cait: She’s not here. Grand picked her up a few minutes ago.
John: I see.
Cait: Do you know why Grand came and picked her up?
John: (trying to control his growing irritation) Tell me Cait. Tell me what’s on your mind.
Cait: Because I’ve been crying my eyes out ever since she asked the question. Do you have any idea what that felt like, to be asked that question by your child? No, you don’t, because you would have to be here to hear it.
John: (hesitates)
Cait: John!
John: Honey, I—
Cait: Don’t honey me. You have no idea because if you did, if you have any sense of what I just experienced, the look in that young child’s eyes, you’d be here. But you’re not here. Are you John?
John: You know I love you and Ariel more than anything in the world.
Cait: You might fool me John, and I’ll forgive you, but you aren’t fooling that little girl, that precious little girl who thinks you hung the moon. (pause) Did you give her a magic pillow?
John: (rolls eyes) Yes.
Cait: And did you promise her you would fix it?
John: Crap. (shakes head) Hon, I completely forgot.
Cait: I know. But there is a little girl who didn’t, a little girl that misses her father, a little girl that doesn’t understand why you are gone again and why her pillow, you, don’t talk to her anymore.
--
Rog: Cait?
John: Yeah.
Rog: All good?
John: Yeah, all good.
Rog: Right. We’re just two righteous dudes aren’t we.
John: (knowing smile)
--
Goldie: Ms Kyra, is everything going to be okay?
Kyra: I don’t know Goldie.
Goldie: I’ve talked to Pinkie.
Kyra: Yeah? What about?
Goldie: We want to reverse flow our remaining power into the auxiliary system.
Kyra: Come here Goldie. (Kyra kisses her metal forehead) How did Papa do it?
Goldie: Do what Ms Kyra?
Kyra: Give you a heart of gold.
Goldie: (blinks eyes)
Kyra: Tell Pinkie I do greatly appreciate the gesture, but I’m afraid even between the two of you, it would make no difference. Besides, if we are going down, we go down together. (Kyra tries to smile) You got that?
Goldie: Yes ma’am.
--
Rog: So, do you feel like shiott?
John: (laughs) Yeah. That about sums it up.
Rog: Yep. Suppose it does.
Commentary/Reading: You Hung the Moon
Categories: Story, Kyra, Goldie, John Discovery, Caitlin, Ariel, Rog
24 comments:
Great stuff all the way! Your last three posts have been outstanding - full of emotion and conflict. Brilliant stuff.
Thank you Jenni. I've really enjoyed these conversations and this style of writing. :-)
Pure bliss is the only way to describe coming off the other end of reading such a chapter and listening to the accompanying audio. You know that feeling too, of having read something good, or in my words when one has read something that just touches and entertains and reaches and makes one think and feel and see and there is a overwhelming whoosh of appreciation and gladness and love for lack of a better word, a feeling of being full. Permission to laugh granted, but I'm very serious. :-)
What a wonderful, wonderful chapter and reading/commentary.
Once again the style of this, and you do that perfectly, the play style, simple dialogue conveying a ton of emotion, setting the scene - I guess allowing the reader to imagine the tone (though in most cases the choice of words and those short, occasional interjectory sidenotes determines wholly, seems to, how the imagined scene plays out), the gestures, the facial expressions, the stance of the characters, the mood of the scene and all of those things somehow, not elevates, but allows these scenes to be just as vivid as the ones where you set them with description.
Going to leave you with that extended 'wonderful chapter' and come back, once the girls are at school.
I do just want to add, another smile, that sometimes I imagine what you would say if you knew just how deeply touched one cannot help but be by your chapters and moreso the story as a whole, the characters as they have developed and I recall saying something that hinted at that, when you began bringing out portraits, of how it was like looking into the face of old friends, words to that effect, and that is how it is. What I mean to say is I fell for this story, and reading other peoples comments I know they did too, a long time ago and we only fall deeper with each chapter, each look into the characters, and I just love - what other word would adequately substitute I do not know - following this story, letting it be part of my life so to speak.
Yep, a whoosh.
End part I
Beautiful image! I see parent and child, in a way it reminds me of something holy...
You Hung the Moon...
you wrote in an innocent way which brought searing pains in the eye- meaning, i nearly cried.
even though simple in conversation..you managed to move hearts..my heart.
love your work, tree :)
Meg, thank you for that wonderful, wonderful comment. Chapters like this are written in a moment of emotion, sometimes just a spark. Yesterday, after the plane reached 10,000 feet and we were allowed to use our electronic devices, I put on my headphones, closed my eyes, and let my music wash over me. I don't remember which song it was, but a song triggered a memory, brought forth a bubble of an emotion to the surface of my mind and so I reached into the inside right pocket of my leather jacket, where I keep my small moleskine notebook and I penned the first five lines of this chapter. As I say in the audio, to the reader those first five lines might not look like much, but to me, I could write a whole book about what lies behind.
Again, thanks for the very very kind words. Much appreciated my dear friend. :-)
Chicky, I saw the exact same thing! Mother and child, the Madonna perhaps, an old fresco from Italy, preserved in an musty old museum off the beaten path, only observed by locals and those travelers lucky enough to stumble upon it. :-)
My dearest Sunshine, how do I respond to a beautiful comment like yours. Thank you.
As you know, over the last year or so, I've worked on learning to write and in the process have read much from my favorite authors and discovered a few new ones alone the way. I think the best way to learn anything is to observe those who do it well--and so I have.
But, I have also come to the realization that sooner or later, one has to develop their own style, to write in their signature, to be true to their mind and heart--all else is in the end, pale imitation. I don't know what "my style" is at the moment, but I feel like I am moving in that direction by asking the question, by having an awareness of being true to myself in the writing. It also takes a great burden from my shoulders, for the easiest and most natural thing in the world to be is ourselves (or, for some, this is the most difficult thing they will ever endeavor to achieve and for them much pain and suffering awaits).
So, if you haven't, and maybe it's not there yet, or too subtle, or has been there in part all along, I think you may start to see a very slight change in the writing--whatever that means. Wolfe is Wolfe and Dickens is Dickens and Boll is Boll and Austin is Austin. Would we really want it to be any other way? :-D
You know, if these chapters have the ability to take you to bliss, and I don't doubt what you say, then I really can't think of a higher compliment you have given me. So again, I say thank you. :-)
This chapter, like so much of the story, explores Love. We see it in Ariel and Goldie from one direction. And we see it from Rog and John and Cait and Yul from another. Yet, the primary force, that life-giving energy, the desire to love and be loved is the same, whether it is Ariel so innocently asking for what she wants and needs and feels lacking or whether it is Goldie willing to give her "mechanical" life if it will help prolong the lives of Kyra, Von and Em.
I suppose the need, the desire, is universal. In Ariel, the need and desire is so open and honest--so purely innocent that it brings hardened men and women to tears. In Yul, the baggage of life, the holding on rather than letting go (rather ironic considering her recent conversations with Rog about letting go) muddies the waters and she struggles to see clearly, to act in her own best interest. For Ariel, there is no resistance to what is. In Yul, like a spaceship reentering the atmosphere, she resists everything, and the resistance threatens to tear her apart, to literally destroy her.
So, lots of good stuff to explore. Thanks for being along for the ride. :-)
i wish i had more time to take in your work in depth..have time to read between the lines..and relate to myself, at the same time try to figure out what you're trying to depict.
most of the time i read through your work just once, or at most twice. i just don't have the luxury of time...i wish i had, for your writings are beautiful. even for my own blog, my pieces are written within minutes.
keep writing, because i still make time to come and read what you write, despite it not being on my side :)
There's a clear thread that runs through every chapter, whatever style they have been written in, Wolfe etc-inspired or not, that said this would be what any writer would be smart to do, explore the many different genres and techniques before finding the one that fits so to speak. So extraordinarily comfortable you looked in all you wore, testifying once again to great natural talent and promising real treats ahead, when you enter fully into your niche. :-)
Okay, I promised a part II in as far as I called the other comment part I.
This morning as I was writing with the thought of continuing a little later, I wanted to delve into firstly those first couple of lines and secondly into Cait - mostly anyway. One of those times, when I shouldn't have waitied. Poignant commentary and what struck me was how monumental this event could be in John's family life, though it all depends on what happens next. At 5 years old, I think, Ariel will be able to weigh the past against the present and with her mother's assurances and her father's once he returns, this event would not be something that she remembers. Consistancy, I wonder if just might be the crucial factor. That it is when things change from one regularity to another that there will be an enduring consequence in that relationship. It's a fragile thing in any case, a child's reliance and that complete trust that things will always remain the same. And it is what we want to give our children, we want to make sure that whatever else happens in their lives, the one thing that we can control is that they will always be sure of our love for them. Actions and words as you have touched upon just recently, for circumstances do not always allow us to carry this through successfully and in this case, John's choice, though his desire would be no different from Cait's, gave rise to his daughter questioning, to feeling a change and you put across so well in those few short sentences how much anguish this caused Cait (and John of course), to watch it happen, to see and hear the question.
I'm just amazed as always at how the storylines, most times seemingly simple reflecting real life in that respect, are forever exploring the depths of emotion. As with Yul at this moment in time, the 3 crew members on Bravo, Rog, John, Cait, Ariel, there is the on-going stuff and the things hinted at and not yet explored so much but with the promise that they will be and well, the more I see, the more it becomes clear how remarkably extensive this story is, width-wise in combination with depth. Regardless of when this saga finishes, the "tree" could have gone on growing forever, something I trust in based on the heretofore. :-)
Meg, no worries. I've been busier than a one-legged man in an arse kicking contest since January so I completely understand. The story will always be here and I do appreciate you stopping by when you can and leaving me a kind word or two. Take care my friend and keep looking for those rainbows I sent your way. :-)
Sweetest, as soon as I have time I'll respond to your wonderful comment. Thinking of you and wishing you much joy and happiness in all you do. :-)
Poppet
Tre I cudnt get to ur blog for a very long time...and here I am todai :). I've been missin ya!
Gawwwwwwwwd Im so late here :(
Keshi.
Hi Keshi. :-)
Sweetest, many have said it, but we have something in childhood that most of us lose, and I think from the moment we lose it we are forever lost. You could called it a thousand things from innocence to wonder. For example, when I was leaving the office today and walking to my car, I saw an older woman and a child, probably about ten years old. The woman looked to be his grandmother. As I got in my car, the woman came up to me and asked if the boy could come over and look inside my car. I said yes, and he awkwardly and shyly walked over and looked in wonder at this rental I had. I saw the look in his eye and I wondered how long it had been since I had that look and I wondered where I had lost it and then I wondered how I could get it back. And for a moment I wished I was that boy.
Cait cries at the simple question Ariel asks (and so do I) because of the pure power of her innocence in the way it is asked. If she had been a few years older, I don't think Cait cries. But at this age, Ariel is still in that magical zone, a place where the heart is pure, untainted, and thus the question pierces Cait's heart like a sharpened arrow--such is the power a five year old can have. And such is the power of a pure heart expressing itself.
I may be back to add a bit more. As always, I do love your engagement my dearest Sweetest one. :-)
You've given me something to think on.
Hope your day was a good one, Poppet, love and hugs, x
Hi!
I can't find words ....but there is so much in this post...the image and the words say a lot of unsaid things...
Hope this finds you in good cheer.
Yes the wonder and innocence of the little ones is to be cherished....if i may add.
The talk of magic pillow and moleskine ...
(*_*)
U
Don't know why...
I was reminded of the conversation between a little girl and "SAT" who comes to take her in the movie
[City of Angels] ...
Uma, I'm busy as heck but well. My mom is recovering right on schedule so all is good there. Thanks for asking.
Glad you liked this chapter. The ones with small children in them always speak directly to my heart and I enjoy them as much as any of the others.
City of Angels. I need to look that one up, don't believe I've seen it but now you have me very curious. :-)
Hey You! Still thinking? :-D
Just about you. :-D
I've got one word for you: tumid. :-D
A non-word for you in return: Ooooh :-D
You're amazing, am falling for you all over again as I read and listen.
Sweetest, I think the audio commentary on this post says it all, not as much in word as in tone. I would say more, but nothing beats listening to the audio and that's all I have to say about that. :-)
Your words, by the way, are like a warm pillow on a cold night. Mind if I snuggle? :-D
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