“You know what I like about you?” Yul asked Rog.
“What?”
“You know how to let go.”
“What?”
“Frailing.”
Rog shook his head. “What the bullocks are you talkin’ bout?”
“Not everyone can frail like you. It’s an art baby, it’s the art of letting go and I’ve never frailed anyone who can let go like you. Hellocks, most don’t even know they are still holding on and that holding on is what keeps them from being good frailers.” Yul smiled.
“Good frailers huh?” Rog thought about that for a second. “So, you’re saying I’m a good frailer.”
Yul laughed. “Yeah, I’m saying that, but I want to know. Do you know you let go?”
“What?”
“Do you know that when you frail me, you let go?”
“Baby, I have no idea what you’re talkin’ bout. When I’m frailing you, all I’m doing is frailing you.”
“I know. You don’t frail me with ideas or baggage or inhibitions or rules or tradition. You just frail me. And you know what?”
“What?”
“That is the only way to frail, because frailing is not about frailing, it’s not what it appears to be looking in from the outside. Real frailing, the way you frail me, is not an act, an exercise, a game, a duty, an obligation. It’s not lust or desire or control or power or submission. Yet, in a way, it’s all those things and none of those things.”
Rog just kinda stared at Yul like she was speaking in tongues.
Yul continued. “The art of frailing is the art of letting go, of riding the spontaneous waves of two souls on an ocean not of this world, of expression that slips the bonds of you and me and becomes a joining, a synthesis, if you will, a union where one plus one becomes three.”
“Baby, I don’t mean to rain on your parade, but you’re kinda ruining the moment.”
“Exactly! You see?”
“See what?”
“See that everything I just said is adding, not letting go. I introduced ideas, I put baggage on your shoulders, I’ve interrupted the flow and I’m hanging on to my ideas and as long as I hang on to those thoughts, to the ego that wants my ideas recognized, then I’m not letting go, I’m not in the flow and the frailing becomes flat, it becomes ordinary, just an exercise, and you know what?”
“What?”
“When it becomes just an exercise, just ordinary, I want out.”
“Now, those are spanking words.”
“I mean I want what was, I want what can be, I want that zipless, wordless frail that I know is out there. I want that release, that letting go, the letting go that can only be achieved in union, in union with one that knows, knows how to let go, and baby, that’s what you do to me, that’s what you do for me, that’s what you do with me. Don’t you see it?”
Rog smiled. “Baby, all I see is the look in your eye, the warmth of your breath, the passion in your touch.”
“You see the three. You see us, together. You don’t see me and you don’t see you. You do that, instinctively.”
Grinning, Rog said, “You know, you’re making me horny.”
“Talk is cheap.”
“Then shut the frail up and roll over here. I’ve got something I’m feeling a need to, how do you say it, let go.”
And like children lost in play, what was seen and what was felt could only make one smile.
“Rog, do you ever wonder what it would be like to frail a god, to frail the best? You know, somewhere, someone is the best.”
Rog thought about that as if the thought had never occurred to him.
“Baby, you do that for me. You take that wonder, that thought and you obliterate it into dust, for when you frail me, I know, in every nerve ending, in every cell, healthy and not, that it could never get, could never be, any better.”
Rog smiled like a poker player looking for the bluff.
Yul noticed that smile and added, “Do you have any frailing idea what that is like? To know, to experience, to enter a flow few ever enter; to reach a destination that fills your body and mind and soul so completely, so absolutely that you feel a joy, an ecstasy that explodes like thousands upon thousands of flowers on the most glorious meadow with golden rays of sun that warm skin with sensations divine and delight eye like candy before a child? A place where steps are taken but not felt, where the expanse of joy is so great, so complete, there is no room for anything else?”
“Baby, have you been messing with those vials again?”
“Baby, look at me. Life is short and we both know why we are here and I just want you to know what you do to me. I don’t want something to happen and never have the chance to say what I’m saying. And you know what?”
“What?”
“I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve never been able to let go like I’m letting go right now, and you know what else?”
“What baby?”
“I’m just frailing exploding with the joy inside of me, the joy you’ve shown me, the joy we create, but most of all, the joy I’m able to express to you, right here, right now. Do you have any idea how it feels to be able to say what I’m saying—the freedom? I’m free baby, free to open my heart, free to express. You’ve taught me that. You’ve taught me how to let go, how to open without fear, how to open without expectation, how to just open. Baby, I may be opening my arms, my legs, but if that’s all you see, you are missing me opening my soul and you are missing our souls at play in the waters of the divine flow.”
Rog pulled Yul tight, his eyes full with unshed tears of a joy he could not explain and he hugged her like they were on the stone floor of her dark bathroom, and as before, Yul felt a hug that was more than a hug—she felt a soul melting into her, she felt minds in tune, the harmony of a pure understanding shared.
As tears christened the moment, the buzzer sounded. “Rog, Yul, this is Mairi. Open up. Hurry."
Categories: Story, Rog, Yul, Mairi
19 comments:
I'm starting to wonder why all the chapters I write on airplanes revolve around sex. :-D
:-D SUbconscious desire to join the mile high club or memories of when you did. That is not a question, just a suggestion. LOL
Fabulous, fabulous chapter, loved it, but then I am just a romantic at heart and this spoke to all of that, when you wrote of souls joining and the 'third'. :-) I wrote a post once that never saw the light of day, which I believe spoke to the same, and how complete silence of the soul could be achieved. I couldn't possible write in a comment the thoughts behind that post, the touching of truth for example without having to explain and so on, so I'll just say once again, fabulous chapter, absolutely loved it. Loved the easiness of the dialogue - as I've said before, your dialogue is superb, superbly natural, easy to picture the characters speaking the words (here, other chapters), loved the easiness of their relationship, their interaction, just plain loved the chapter. My favourie part under the category of Fun was naturally the very typical Rogesque comment in combination with and as a follow-up to Yul's “When it becomes just an exercise, just ordinary, I want out.”
They are just such wonderful characters, both of them, thoroughly lovable and endearing.
Once again, because repetiveness highlights the point, :-D, fabulous chapter.
Thanks you Sweetest. My eyes are heavy so you may have to wait for a proper response. I wrote this one last week on the flight to Phoenix, and what you see here is what was written long hand. This could be called a set-up chapter, which is to say, Rog is going to find himself in a position in a chapter coming soon where he is going to have to make a choice, and all of Yul's gushing over him will only make that decision all the harder. Funny how things tend to work that way. :-)
As always, thanks for you kind words. I do appreciate the feedback on the dialogue, something I always worry about.
There has been such development with Yul and it has been so nice to be a witness to it. How much of it comes from her experiences of just late, I am not sure, but my own opinion would be that they have simply acted as triggers, triggers in which her thoughts are able to flow, where they are able to rise to the surface. In other words, she didn't suddenly become insightful or able to roll the experiences outside of her over her tongue and take them inside, but she is just now able to do so being more aware. Three scenes of late that follow each other and that take us into the heart of who these two are as a twosome. The first was the one that we all fell in love with, where Yul told her dock story and Rog, in short, listened with his heart. That chapter showed perhaps better than any other, why Rog is such a special hynerian. This shows them in the same kind of light in as much as Rog is what he is, not sure that I could explain what he is, but I don't have to either, you know and anyone who has read that chapter and this, knows too. Truth, though I am taking the easy option now, is perhaps the word that would explain best, he is, lives, breathes, loves, does, every-other-such-word the truth of himself. At least, it seems that way to me. As Yul said, and for Rog (again, seems to me) there are no games, no baggage, he doesn't seem to enter into any equation, any action or interaction with baggage, or preconception,..he is that person in the portrait, hands holding his face as he stares with wonder and with a smile at the world outside of him. To me, and I may have conveniently forgotten suggestions that show otherwise, moulded him, but he, far as we have seen him, lives his life very simply, from the gut, or the heart, from touching - hoping you'll know from knowing me a little what I want to say, and thus saving me from having to explain it better. :-)
With Yul, she is on the road to where Rog is, coming in from a different direction. She recognizes and is aware. Almost as if she is holding up each barrier for lack of a better word that keeps her from living in the moment to use a cliche, examining it, recognizing it for the barrier that it is and the goal that she has set herself unknowingly or knowingly is to let go of each of them. She's a smart cookie is Yul. There are a couple of sentences in this chapter that are thoroughly praiseworthy and just plain wonderful.
The art of frailing... being one part,
...I want what can be... being a second,
and her ability to express herself rises above all heights when she goes on to say “Do you have any frailing idea what that is like? To...
Getting to the end of the above, all I really wanted to say, I realize, is the exact same as above, that the two of them are such wonderful characters and together, watching them together, listening, is fabulous. :-)
(Never got to mentioning the 'third chapter', which was of course the shopping trip.)
Sweet dreams, happy Monday when you get that far.
And before I forget again, this fractal went straight to A-list. Absolutely beautiful, and perfect for the words spoken here of souls and waves.
Edit to my comment 'silence of the soul' should be 'silence of the mind', very different thing. :-)
Bit of a cliffhangar in that interruption there at the end, which though not lost within the chapter, did get lost in commenting. Looking forward to the next, as always, but a little more so when you end in ways such as you have here, and following the chapter below, knowing that Kyra, Von and Em are in a precarious situation to say the very least.
Thankfully, I'm out of time. :-D
xo
I'm starting to wonder why all the chapters I write on airplanes revolve around sex.
LOL!!
Hope your trip was Phoenix was pleasant. At least the weather is cool, as opposed to the 'hot' chapters ;)
Sunshine, you hit the nail on the head with both Yul and Rog. Beautiful commentary. :-)
I'll start with Yul. She is, as much as any character, helping me explore one of my favorite concepts--change. I have often wondered to what extent a person can change, and become something more, something different than what they were born to be, something different than what they are grown to be. We heard Von, in his journal, refer to this question with his reference to people as books. I have always wanted to believe in my heart that change is possible (Tracy Chapman's song "Change" is brilliant in how she poses the question in her lyrics by the way), yet my own life experiences have indicated otherwise with but one exception--extreme dramatic events.
Yul has both been through such an event and, with her illness, is living in the incubator of change, a place that forces her (like we see in Future Credits) to see with different eyes, to see as one sees with a death sentence (I can't remember the work, but there is a story of a priest who visits a man on death row. In short, the condemned man ends up telling the priest that he is the one that can now see, that he is the one that is now living, living more fully than he ever lived before, and that the priest is the one blind, living as the walking dead)).
Yul is that condemned man. Without the suicide attempt and near death experience, without the terminal illness, we don't see Yul saying what she says here or in Future Credits. The extreme pressure of life itself is reshaping her, giving her new eyes and we are privy to watching it unfold.
As for Rog, Rog is just Rog. He knows no other way to be. What you see is what you get. Honest to the core, and honest with himself, he has a natural love of life, he wears life easy on his shoulders and he knows how to just be. Yul sees this in him now for what it is--natural and pure. Her line about how he has taught her is the reference that tells us this, and it implies, which would be the case, that she did not always trust that Rog was what he seemed to be. In her eyes, in the early days, he seemed too good to be true and there was a part of her that held back, a part of her she kept hidden since she projected the same behavior onto Rog, fearing that he too was keeping something hidden, that he was not what he appeared to be--and she has come to realize, that idea, that she held so close, as long as she held it, would forever keep them apart. The freedom that she speaks of, is the letting go of these judgments, these false ideas, of opening the doors of her heart as little children do.
All this started for Yul on the bathroom floor, when Kyra forced her to look at Rog, look at his heart as he held her. As you know, when he seemed to withdraw shortly after that (the whole problem with the note thing) she was thrown into confusion and she started to believe what she had believed before, that Rog was an act and that made her very mad. However, Rog made a brilliant recovery and it has been all downhill ever since between them. :-)
As always, thanks so much for your engaged insights. I do love them so. :-)
Deb, I think the truth of the matter is I have had some very sexy women sit next to me on my flights of late, and if most men are honest, they will tell you when you are next to a sexy woman, your mind is thinking only one thing. Now, sit next to her for a three hour flight, and, well, you get what you get here. :-D
By the way, I'm heading back to Phoenix tomorrow, another three hour flight, and what that produces, well, I suppose it will depend on who sits next to me. :-D
LOL, in any case ENJOY !!
LMAO, Deb, I may be one of the few people I know that actually likes flying/traveling. I love putting my headphones on, listening to music and pulling out my moleskine notebook and letting my imagination soar with the plane. A little eye candy sitting next to me never hurt either. :-D
Change and what makes a person the person they are, those things interest me no end. I could go on for days, years, and never tire. I have a few thoughts on those things, all of which are open to being changed themselves, in other words, they are just theories and other stuff could come along at any time that would alter them. Agree with you on the changing factor, that there is really very little sway, and if there is ever any great change, it is caused by as you wrote some great life-changing, as it were, experience. I do not think that we can change to something that we were not already - hmmm, need to consider that a little more - but in short, again it has to do with sway and though we may change to an extent that may appear great, it really wasn't that far from what we already were, or at least what we could have been. What we could have been is perhaps the sentence to highlight there. Going back to who we are, how we become the people that we are, with the thoughts, values, etc that we have, two factors are involved. I think in great part we are born into who we become and experiences along the way shape us, but only to the extent that they either highlight or diminish what was there to start with. Those life-changing events, all they do is show us a different aspect of ourselves, interchange what was highlighted with what was diminished. Underneath it all, there is what I like to refer to as the essense of a person, of course people aren't always true to it, because they don't themselves realize what it is, because events in their lives took them away from it, or because they don't want to accept what it is and so try to move away from it. The problem some would say, the great thing about it as I would say, is that whichever way we are travelling, away or towards, sooner or later, often or not, constantly or occasionally, we get to the truth of who we are. So changing, change, doesn't really exist per say according to the factless spewing above (theory is a nicer term:), what it is instead is just a better knowledge of ourselves and a clearer view of the outside world and our role in it.
What I think happens to many of us is that as said events along the way shape us, take us away from what we once and always were, and if we are lucky, if other events show us that or we are able to see it ourselves, we can arrive back at the beginning with a clean slate once again.
When you see the person, you see yourself and if you can see past yourself in that person, you see the past, you see their book and from that book you can feel their future. So few have the ability to change their book one hundreds pages into their life and so they live trapped lives, stuck in a story, in illusions neither seen nor known.
Makes me think of several things, makes me think of a post I once wrote, one that was inspired by a post here at DT, about how one can look at a person and know the path they are travelling, something in their faces will tell where they are coming from and where they are headed. Makes me think too of certain people, whom, and not liking that I was doing so, I felt I could predict were never going to stray from the direction in which they were headed, which would have been well and good were it not for the fact that it did and would make them miserable. It was as though there was no longer a choice, at least not one that they were able to see. Such an interesting entry our Von has made there - may have to come back to that, want to roll it a little more. :-D
Time and again on especially J's blog, this subject has come up (the thought that the prisoner you mention has), how though most of us realize our efforts should be in making each day count, we do not really have the ability to, not with all our being, until we realize fully that tomorrow really may never come. We may know it, but it would take a particular set of circumstances to really feel it. For most of the rest of us anyway. That's my theory.
Full of theories, or full of something. :-D
In any case, love what you wrote about Yul, and Rog. And I may be back with more on that.
I saw SOOOOO much of you in this post. More so than others.....
I like it when you write like this.
Meg
Oh Meg, you are making me blush now. :-D
No worries, as long as I'm flying, I think we will see many more chapters just like this one, and maybe a few more like "Frail Me", one of my all time faves. ;-)
Sweetest, I'm going to have to give some thought to your comment above. I found myself agreeing with most everything you said and part me just wants to say ditto. :-D
May be back for more on this one.
Hi!
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A place where steps are taken but not felt, where the expanse of joy is so great, so complete, there is no room for anything else?
Souls at play in the divine waters?!!
*********************************
Does it exist?
wow is all i can say...
i always believed that when two people are in love..the YOU and I become /create a "We"..
and interesting dialogue between Yul/Rog...
great thoughts on change...
Hope this finds you in great cheer
(*_*)
U
Thanks Uma. I find fear lives on the edge of who I think I am. As long as I am within the circle of the known, I'm okay; but when I venture to the edge, well, the question arises--Can I do this? Can I be something beyond what I know myself to be? I think the answer is yes, but I believe that most of us, most of the time answer it with a no.
An age old question. Nature, nurture, both. And then, somewhere in all of that debate is the idea of change. Can we create a destiny out of shear will and desire or, are there glass ceilings that limit us to our genetic code, predestine us to act out a role programed by fate, by luck, by chance, by a higher power. Can we act outside of this wiring, this programing? Can we step outside of the code and see the code and see that although we are part of the code, we are also outside of the code, or at least enough of us is outside of the code to see it as that and us as this. Can we wake up and see this. Or, is our life nothing more than a dream?
Good questions, all of them. We could, as many have, debate for years.
Thanks as always for the very kind words on the story. Always pleased to know some part of a chapter was worth remembering. :-)
I LOVED this chapter! You got to the romantic in me, once again.
I'm here catching up, as usual! I hope I'll be able to stop by regularly and not with visits so far apart.
Hugs & kisses to you and Jack. I know Jack was in this... it's why I'm so hot right now ;-)
Thank you Karen. And for the record, Jack was all over this chapter--before, during and after. :-D
So good to see you all hot and bothered. Jack says hello. :-D
Frail*tastic! - these last couple so good that I need to take a break and go swimming within them. :-)
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