[Mairi standing bedside holding Yul’s hand. Rog has just left]
Mairi: Are you ok?
Yul: (no answer)
Mairi: I understand if you don’t want to talk. If you change your mind, I’m here.
Yul: It’s not that. (Yul stopped)
Mairi: (after a few minutes waiting for Yul to continue) Care to share what it is?
Yul: I hate myself. I think it’s time.
Mairi: Time? Time for what?
Yul: Look, I know Rog had to make the choice he did. Hellocks, I told him to go, that it was the right thing. And that’s just it. All my life Mairi. I’ve been frailed up all my life and no matter how much I pretend otherwise, life always comes back and slaps me like an ugly step-child. This disease is no accident. It’s fate. Fate telling me I don’t belong. I didn’t belong on Hyneria and I don't belong on Bravo. And you know what really chaps my arse now? If “Yul” had taken her rightful place, she would be here now, in this hospital with the potential to be saved.
Mairi: You don’t know that. Besides--
Yul: I’m tired Mairi. I’m just really tired. I think I want to sleep now. (Yul closes her eyes)
Commentary/Reading: I Think It's Time
Categories: Story, Yul, Mairi
3 comments:
Nice to see the fractal again. :-)
The audio was so encompassing, the chapter itself emotionally heightened, I hardly know what I could possibly 'add' other than praise. And a 'wow'.
The audio takes us deep within Yul to drift in empathy, having all of us at one stage or another felt something comparable that allows us to imagine, as far as is possible, what she is feeling. Once more at the losing end of a choice made, the possibility that she might not be there when he returns would be too sad - and though that would make for a riveting story-line, watching Rog as he comes back and realizes Yul passed on when he wasn't there for her and what that would do to him - I sincerely hope that doesn't happen and that he has the opportunity to make this up to her. For his sake, and for hers. Her allowing herself to be able to rely upon him is so very recent, it would be quickly buried under the doubts she is has that she is deserving of it - which are coming in thick and fast with his leaving.
Such fascinating characters!!! - I could spend the whole day floating in Yul, as in imagining the thoughts and emotions she has at this moment in time, and I would still take the opportunity to do so again tomorrow.
So nice to see more of Mairi just lately, hoping to see much more.
Loved this chapter (and the audio!)!
Welcome home and safe trip tomorrow. Sweet dreams, love and hugs, x
Was just thinking about the title, and this may be nothing whatsoever to do with where it came from, but one suggestion of what she means could be time to stop kidding herself that anything has changed, time to stop imagining that she will ever feel any different, that she will ever feel like she belongs, is wanted above anyone else (or at least as much), that she might for someone one day come first.
All day easy, as said. :-)
May be a good thing for your eyes that I am working today. :-)
Sweetest, thank you for your very kind words. Because this style of writing does not give many clues to what is happening, we have commentary on this post and the one above to help fill in the blanks and give the sparse prose some depth. My voice, as you alluded, is tired in part because I'm tired, tired of being on the road, tired of the drama in my life, which, whether we want to admit it or not, takes a certain toll. Having said that, knowing I was tired, I wanted to capture that mood on audio to reflect where Yul is, and that you picked up on it tells me what I hoped to capture I did. That is a good thing.
I suppose these chapters and the ones to come could all be titled "Choice." We all make them everyday, every yes is also a no as we have seen Von say. And with choices, which are often not clean, or straightforward, or black and white, we create an opening for second guessing, for doubt, for an evaluation of how we are living our lives and, by our actions (not words) what we value most.
This is what is haunting Yul. People have said things to her in her life but then their actions communicated something very different. Although she knows Rog is not doing this to her now, the very act of him leaving her for Bravo, right or wrong, opens up many old wounds and the emotions of her life come rushing forth like roiling waters busting through a dam. She is helpless against that flood and the flood, the emotions, take over. So, be prepared to see Yul do some irrational things.
As always my Sweetest, thanks so much for your dedicated readership and fantastic engagement. I love you to pieces for it.
Poppet
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