Kyra: Von, did you ever think it would come to this?Von: What do you mean?
Kyra: Let me ask you a different question. Do you feel as if you are standing between crenel and merlon, looking out upon a great battle taking place and a cold wind is whipping the flags above your head? You look with misty eyes and everything is slightly vague, not so much dreamlike, but just vague.
Von: Vague?
Kyra: Yeah vague. Vague like when you stare at a word long enough it no longer looks familiar, yet you know it is a word you’ve seen a thousand times. Vague as in fate moving on, but you’re not invited. Vague as in you know you should be hungry but you’re not.
Von: (heavy sigh) Tell me more about the view. What do you see on this great battlefield?
Kyra: I hear sounds, faint of glory won and glory lost. A drum here, a trumpet there, voices just out of reach, of charges made and lives lost. I smell soil dark with crimson and I look around and no one is speaking. The sounds grow louder as if waves upon the beach and instead of us moving to them, they are moving toward us. I want to move my feet, but I have no desire to move them, no energy. You know, that’s not quite right. The energy is there. I can feel it. I just see no reason to use it. I place my hands on the stone in front of me and it is warm and wet and the stone feels heavy. I’ve never noticed that before and I feel heavy too, as if this is where—(Kyra pauses, looking through Von)
Von: Where what?
Kyra: What?
Von: You were saying that this is where, and then you stopped.
Kyra: I always thought death would come—that it would come, not like this. (twirling her hair, Kyra smiles to no one) You know what I see on the umber fields before my mind? I see a mighty battle fought in muck and shine, fought in light and shadow and you know who is fighting that battle, protecting me with limb and life? Hope and Faith; Courage and Love. (pause) Hope, surrounded, digs in her heels, grits her teeth and renders another charge to mother and maker. (Kyra pauses again with an involuntary sigh) I look to the right and I see Courage swinging her mighty broadsword above her head, the metal singing in its arc. Her eyes are bloodshot with effort as the hordes close in. Faith is standing to her right, radiating with a force of light that becomes dimmer with each attack. And at the center of them all, Love. My dear sweet Love and you know what Love is doing?
Von: Tell me. What is Love doing?
Kyra: Love is singing. She is fortifying her troops with song sung from heart and lung and Hope and Faith and Courage fight on, inspired.
Von: How does it go?
Kyra: How does what go?
Von: Love’s song. What is she singing to her troops? (looks vacantly)
Kyra: I’ll stand by you.
Von: Sing it.
Kyra: (in broken verse Kyra begins to sing)
Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don’t be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
cause I’ve seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don’t know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less
I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
So if you’re mad, get mad
Don’t hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I’m a lot like you
When you’re standing at the crossroads
And don’t know which path to choose
Let me come along
cause even if you’re wrong
I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And Ill never desert you
Ill stand by you
And when...
When the night falls on you, baby
You’re feeling all alone
You wont be on your own
I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
(Silence)
Von: (a tear runs down his cheek)
Kyra: I’m dying in pieces. And I see it. I’m witnessing my own death, belief by belief. I feel my heart beat and it beats with a ferocity I don’t call my own and I hear a cry. I see a beam of light, like lightning but flowing from ground to sky and for a moment I can’t breathe and I’m blinded. The cry is cold and warm and I fear it and embrace it and my head hurts. I’m sorry Von.
Von: No please, keep going.
Kyra: You ever pray?
Von: No.
Kyra: I’ve been praying. To Janus. To Kieran. To Papa. And you know what I hear?
Von: (just looks)
Kyra: Nothing.
Von: (looks down)
Kyra: Do you hear it? Carried on the winds of the innocent, those not involved in this fight. Sounds like whispers, growing. I reach forward but you can’t hold a memory. Are you cold?
Von: Yes.
Kyra: Am I crazy? These visions, these voices?
Von: You’re Hynerian.
Kyra: This is not how it is suppose to end. Not like this. And then I think, who am I and what do I know. What if this is all there is? What if everything I believed about seeing Kieran and Papa again was a lie? And then I wonder if I just imagined it all. And then I think, so this is it. There is nothing more. No one is coming for us. No one is going to rescue us. And I wonder if all that I am is nothing and all my life has been a dream, a deception.
I'll Stand by You
The Pretenders
Categories: Story, Kyra, Von
21 comments:
Before death that stands at the end of the air that they have left, there is resignation and hopefully peace, and the two don't come easy and that seems to me part of what the fight is about. This is so beautifully elaborate and where many other times you have shown that less is indeed more, this chapter has a very different flavour to it. Time not stretches ahead, but looms, there's nothing else to do but wait for fate in whatever form she comes and though how the imagination could ever hope to stretch this far, what you have written rings so true and seems so befitting, mingling with my own as Kyra appearing so bright sits before Von describing this scene that plays out in her mind. There's nothing they can do to change what lies ahead and your words of vagueness and heaviness especially, of dying piece by piece, that courage, hope and faith will eventually all falter and fall and that love will be the only one to remain, are so very poignant and almost remindful, strange as that sounds, as though it is a knowledge that we have without the experience.
There are questions in this, like that very first one or the one near the end that just make me want to sit back in awe at how these chapters get created. The idea of what thoughts might pass through the mind when the end is close enough and real enough to contemplate wholly, to be so aware of it, an extended flash of all that went before and more so that it all ends right here. It's always going to come as a shock when the story ends, one's story, and that thought is intense throughout this chapter. A reminder too, to anyone watching of the fragility and it just speaks, to me at least, of to quote words spoken many times before making every moment count, of living. Completely.
This is such a provacative chapter, windows upon windows as I try to stretch, to feel Kyra - right now I'd love to be sitting in a room with you so that every time a thought pops in to my head, I can share it with you. :-) Were I here all day, I would be doing that for sure, filling up this comments box. This is one of those chapters that follow, tag along at full-force for the day and remain even after that.
Wanted to comment upon that last bit about Papa and Kieran, and more throughout - hoping to continue later, be warned. The song too. And the 'piece by piece' part, which may just be the most stirring sentence in this chapter.
This wonderful chapter. Loved it.
Happy day ahead, x
Example: Spent my shower considering the symbolism of that battlefield, the noise, as those emotions and thoughts wage battle, show their will to survive and all the while Love sings of how she will be there come what may, during the darkest hour, when all else has fallen silent, she'll carry through. The stillness equates with the peace and resignation, when there is nothing else to be done, a defence-mechanism to curb and calm fear. It's beautiful, that thought, the way it is written here, that when all else is lost, love will still be singing, will still be keeping company, will still be fortifying.
Such a remarkable chapter!
Sweetest, this is a very interesting chapter for me for a couple reasons. I suppose the reason we haven't seen a chapter concerning Bravo since the communication is exactly the same reason you mention: how does one get inside the head of someone young, or old for that matter, that probably has six days remaining--and I have to think the worst part of all is the idea that Hope is still fighting, losing, probably will lose, but still alive, wounded, bleeding, harried and tired, but still alive and to have to witness your very own Hope, engaged in battle, beaten down, bloodied and then ultimately put asunder, well, I have to believe that would be worst than if they just knew they had no hope, just knew no one was coming. But they don't, and I think this is what makes the emotions so difficult to ascertain. And, at least in my mind, so much more interesting.
I suppose the vagueness that Kyra feels is in parallel to the vagueness I feel trying to understand what might go through her head, or Em's or Von's. I have to imagine that the movie of our memories plays bright and clear as our mind races to make sense of life, to perhaps uncover some hidden solution to their situation, and like being on a small boat in a turbulent sea, finds itself tossed about, on the verge of being out of control and realizing you are at the mercy of the elements, your circumstances.
This chapter is very much a patchwork quilt in its creation. Yesterday I was looking at my iTunes library, and even with over 1100 songs, I felt there was nothing I really wanted to listen to, that everything I had was stale, old, uninspiring so I started searching for something new. Somehow I stumbled upon David Gray, a name I had read once in a review of Blunt's music. I remembered the review, for the critic did not like Blunt, felt Blunt had no talent and no voice and suggested that if Blunt's music appealed to you, then you should go listen to Gray, for the music was the same, just that Gray had real talent.
So anyway, I stumble upon Gray in the store and decide to sample some of his tracks. I liked what I heard, a voice not ordinary, a little rough and I liked his story of believing in himself to the point where when all the labels decided not to support his fourth album, he recorded it himself--an album many agree is his best to date. I download five of his songs.
As often happens when I'm listening to music, a chapter pops into my head. I have no idea how this happens, but it might explain why I write so much on planes. Anyway, the first third of this chapter just flowed, was written very quickly while listening to Gray. Then, as these things happen, an outside influence interrupted that flow (no, not taking about you). Ms Mario came upstairs and right in the middle of me writing turned on the TV to watch American Idol. I could have killed her. :-D
As soon as the TV came on, all my creative flow dried up. So I'm sitting looking at half a chapter and pondering if I just don't post that since I'm not really feeling I can capture again what I had just a few minutes ago when one of the contestants sang "I'll Stand by You." LMAO
That song made me think of Love. Keep in mind, at the time, the chapter only had Hope on the battlefield, and if you were to look very, very closely, you might see that parts of the chapter that I did not change were written with the idea of just Hope fighting. Well, I started thinking about what image would go with this chapter and when I saw the one I used here, I knew Hope would have some companions and so Courage and Faith and Love entered the fight.
Got a phone call and it disrupted the flow of my comment--LMAO. Might be back to add more later. ;-)
Oh, I know what I wanted to say about this chapter now--LOL. This chapter, and maybe it's obvious, was written in a stream of consciousness fashion, roughly speaking, in that I put myself in Kyra's head and just let whatever I saw her thinking come out. In other words, this chapter had no plan to it, no design, no idea of a beginning, middle or end. It is just me inside of Kyra's head, and whatever I saw at that moment in time is what you see here. As a result, there are bits of the writing, by design so to say, that I purposefully did not go back to edit or to make more logical in its flow. Now, whether this makes the conversation more real, or just poor writing is for the reader to judge, but I wanted to convey a mind not totally focused, a mind both here and there, a mind not concerned with conversational protocol or even trying to make sense or be clear, but a mind untethered from these things because these things are no longer important to her.
This chapter, on a very general way, also has one other inspiration. A few days ago, I read an article by Neil Gaiman (I may have the spelling wrong) who was talking about the writing process and about characters and one of the points be made about good stories is that they have characters that we care about. So I started thinking, do I have characters that we really care about? Are they as real as they could be in that we see them fully and we care about them because we believe them to be plausible, to be someone we would want to know. As I have mentioned before, my concern with Kyra all along has been trying to show the sides of her that don't fit with the "special gifts or unique understanding" that we know she has. I've tried to bring her back down to earth before, but this chapter, I suppose, was guided by just letting her open up, to say what was on her mind without worry of protecting her image or her standing, but just to completely open up. Whether it works or not, again, is for the reader to decide.
As always, thanks for your undying engagement on the story. Hugs and kisses my dear. :-)
By the way, one of the chapters I've envisioned but seem not to have the ability to write is this:
Von is in his quarters, quite animated having a conversation with several versions of himself (from Von the Younger to Von the Non-sober to several other Vons). The conversation jumps quickly from character to character and finally ends when Kyra knocks on the door with the question--"Von?"
Let's just say this was a chapter that happened but not written. :-D
You beat me on word count. Game on. ;-) Kidding, but back in a little while to respond.
Happy Wednesday, x
I like to give more than I get. Keeps the customers happy. In Louisiana we call it Lagniappe. So consider yourself lagniapped! :-D
Bet you never been lagniapped before. :-D
Nice chapter, beautifully written and thought provoking.
We are so much more than what we think we are.
Thank you Deb. And I agree, we are much more than we think we are. Just how much more is such a wonderful mystery to explore. By the way, I think you've been doing some great fractal work of late. Love those snakes. :-)
Just wondering: Do people have conversations with themselves?
I often see little children doing it, but not adults.
When you have only a few days to live I think the chances of talking to yourself go up. :-D
Hey Saffy. :-)
Oh, you beautiful thinker...
I love this, trée, catching up on the story and reading all the comments. Brought me to tears several times.
The orange trees over here are blossoming and the air is thick with their perfume. Wish I could send you a breath of it. It's a sweet and heavy scent, (like emotion)--nothing like the light and tangy scent of the fruit they are a promise of.
I stepped out to my patio to catch a wayward kitty and caught an unexpected breath of orange blossoms and suddenly, it felt like your story to me--Sweet and heavy, full of emotion, a promise, a reminder that life goes on, no matter what.
My dear Beautiful Soul, your kind words are a perfect way for me to start my day. For that I thank you on bended knee.
Many of my chapters are inspired by emotion, emotion that rises as I listen to music. I like to feel. Doesn't much matter whether joy or pain, to feel is to live, to be alive. And so, many, not all, but many of my chapters are written with strong emotion swirling inside of me--this chapter was no different. And, as silly as this sounds, there are several chapters, that as I imagined them playing out in my mind, before I wrote them, brought forth tears to my eyes. Then again, it doesn't take much to make me cry. I'm thankful to this day movie theaters are dark. :-D
Life does go on, flows like a river, never ceasing to turn the next bend, to take us to new places. I am so thankful that my river took me past your blog a couple years ago. I blessing to me, no doubt. :-)
Hey you.
Finally a little time. :-) Happy Thursday, hope it's been a good'un thus far.
Much prefer writing comments/responses right away.
Some things are too sad to contemplate for very long at a time, loss of hope is such a situation, where death is imminent (or at least looming) and there is that ever-present hope that someone will come to the rescue. I can't help the direction my thoughts take, like that event in Belgium that I told you about, and I wonder what that must be like, for hope to die, but moreso when it does. How long does it last. No formula to it, I shouldn't think, and I wonder what that point would be like, whether in some cases it eases things, brings resignation and a sense of peace - this was mentioned in my comment for this is how I imagine the three crew members would fare, being together, having been through so much and being so strong. In other circumstances, it would without doubt be something quite different, utter despair, and the thought brings me back to Von's recent words of being confined and isolated. All very morose, which is not the tone of this chapter, which is a great part of the reason, why it was so wonderful.
Just as we do not know with which we can cope before the event takes place, I think too there are limits within our endurance that bring out in us, some/most of us, more than we would have imagined. There are times when we witness, hear or read about events in other people's lives (or even things that have happened to us that we have survived) and it astounds how they were able to cope, be it emotionally, physically, etc, but they do. At this moment in time, they know nothing, weighed up against loss of hope that they will survive, it cannot be easier to come to terms with. It will be so interesting to see how the days ahead change them. One thing they must know though is how far any rescue vessel would have to travel, so I imagine that battle ground would get quiet sooner rather than later.
I do so like the implication within, to repeat, that though the rest may eventually fall, Love will continue to keep them company. There will never be nothingness. All is not, and cannot, be lost. This more than anything carries through within the chapter, it soars above, and there's a sense of elation almost, of if death is indeed imminent, if hope is lost, courage has failed and faith is no more so to speak, Love will keep them with her. This is your symbolism running riot within my imagination of course, but it just seems to me and it is pure fantasy, as I envision how the three of them would be, behave, feel as their time comes closer to running out, and they look full to me, full of memories, resigned, at ease (as far as they can be given the physical circumstances), full of thoughts of loved ones, and togetherness. Important point, I think, that the three of them would be sharing this experience, none would be alone. A continuance of that hug given and recieved to get them through come what may.
Each time I start a paragraph, I have several things I want to say and by the end, I've forgotten at least half. Sigh.
:-)
I find it funny in both senses of the word, how these chapters consume me. Testament, as I've said before to how wonderful a writer you are, the questions and ideas that you incorporate into the story, the exploration into your characters. It's about 36 hours since I read this chapter and I'm still, whenever I'm left to my own devices so to speak, floating around inside the words, inside the Kyra that exists for me wondering what now and the next days are going to be like for her, based on everything I have learned about her heretofore. Characters as deep as yours are far and few between, and I wish often I could adequately detail what it is that is so special and loved about this story, rather than what often happens and I end up overcome by how wonderful the chapter was and expressing an extended 'wow'. Literature and psychology, two of my great loves, and what I find here is the most gifted writing and such great scope for exploration of emotions and thoughts etc, small wonder it's just about my favourite place to be. :-)
Anyway, to continue with a response, which had I left a smile would have subscribed in all likelihood to the less is more philosophy, I find it absolutely fascinating to hear about how you find inspiration, motivation to write and the methods etc that you use. I can understand the music thing, that would happen to me often (not to compare those posts with these). :-) What I find especially wonderful here is the examples you have given of where a chapter began, a passage in a book, the cover of a magazine, a visit to a waiting room, a mall, a woman in the seat next to you and so on, and it just shows firstly how coincidental these events were, but moreso how thought-processes and the mind works, and in your case, to create all of this, it does so exceptionally. Mingling. Influenced by what is within. What I mean is, it's not what you see or experience, but how you process it, how you fondle it, and how you reflect upon it, expand upon it.
You'll find yourself watching American Idol from now on. :-D You never know what else you may find there.
Your talent is natural, but the story grows so beautifully because you take it so seriously, aiming to do your best and to better yourself, and it is the same reason, why your characters are so extensive, so deep and so real. Once again, I find myself wishing I could be more specific, though I am sure along the way I have said most of what I would say anyway and so anything now would likely be a repeat. One thing I should like to repeat though is that somehow you aced it, your larger characters (Mairi, Trev and Kieran aren't as well-known as the others) were very clear, very early on, or in my words, what mattered, what was needed to gauge who they were, their essenses, were bright and beautiful from sometimes the very first chapter that featured them. It's awe-inspiring how you are able to do that, and it's something that you just were able to do, not something that was developed along the way. We see more, and will, of for example Kyra as we did here, but just like the story being comparable to a tree, the same is true of Kyra and the others. Branches that spread in all manner of directions and at the base the trunk from which they all grow, to which they are all connected, a part of each other.
Very much looking forward to the next chapter. As always. :-)
Oliviah, loved, loved, loved your comment, especially that last part. Poetic, beautiful and perfect. :-)
You both made me smile, which was so nice, as I was feeling so very frustrated. (The Picasa/Blogspot thing is eating my posts.) I love to come here. It feels like rest, it feels like love.
Oliviah, I created this blog to be a place I wanted to hang out, a place where I felt peace and love and joy and compassion. If you feel that when you come here, then I feel like I'm on the right track. I do so deeply appreciate you sharing. :-)
Sunshine, I'm going to need some time to digest your comment. :-D
Sweetest, I'm still marveling over your last comment; flattered beyond belief is what I am. :-)
Another long day with one more tomorrow so I'm about to head to bed but I will leave you with this tidbit. I think it's time we learn more about Mairi. I've been thinking about her for a long time, and I think she needs my attention. We'll see how good your memory is (most extraordinary so far) since some time ago I shared an idea about her past (for the record, if you recall, this idea existed before I ever saw Firefly--although I might shamelessly have to take the term they used). ;-)
Pleasant morning my dear and may your coffee always be hot and dark in an off-white cup with a slight lip. :-)
Or, I almost forgot, I'd thought of an alternative term as to not blatantly and shamelessly nick the name.
How do you fancy this:
Chatelaine :-D
I like, fits in with her name too somehow. :-) Remember the idea well and the light that it will come under at some point, when X marks the spot so to speak. :-D Great explorations within that storyline, can't wait to see what you do with it. And just imagine those dresses.
Coffee is perfect this morning, it's going to be a happy Friday, for you too when you get that far is my wish, in the mean time, sweet dreams. :-)
Sweetest, somehow I knew you would remember. :-D
I'm playing with the idea of bringing back Dr X, who was captured and is being held prisoner. I don't know for sure, but I have the suspicion there is more to what happened between Mairi and the good doctor than we know. Remember, he slipped into her mind, in a not unsexual way (I hate double negatives but like to use them) and, if you recall, she had some very mixed emotions, which at the time I wrote it, I also had very mixed emotions as to how accurate or real that reaction might have been. Well, I think it might be time to explore that and use it as the door into her past.
You do know, I'm making all this up as I type, so where we go from here is still as foggy to me as to everyone else. :-D
Hi!
What a chapter!!!
Lagniappe is such an interesting word and sounds like a french word.
Thanks for the lyrics and video :)
Nice
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And Ill never desert you
Ill stand by you
How are you?
Take care
(*_*)
U
the title reminds me of a song that goes...
i will stand by you forever
you can take my breath away
[enrique iglesias...Hero]
Thank you Uma. :-)
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