Trev sat alone in his quarters, the silence framed by the heartbeat in his ear, his eyes open but not seeing. His skin felt tight and his breathing labored, as if a heavy suffocating cloak of depression had rolled into his quarters like dense fog off a nocturnal humid moor. Thought of running ran thought his mind, but in space, on a small vessel like Bravo, there was nowhere to run; and, besides, what needed running from was neither here nor there but a dark place within, a wound neither dressed nor healed, a closet within his psyche he had avoided. Within that closet, however, was a throb, persistent as a drip, a steady beat beyond his hands to quiet, relentless as war drums on the distant plain.
Standing, his muscles felt like rubber bands such that every movement met resistance. Even the thought of crawling back in bed took on a monumental feat as if he were asking himself to embark on an epic journey. She was beautiful, she was pregnant and she was out of his league. And then, there was Em. His commed buzzed. He let it be as it vibrated off the nightstand like some giant over-caffeinated insect. He turned out the lights with a wave of his hand and sat his chair before the magnificent window of his quarters, starlight bathing him in cool tones, and from a distance, he looked like a statue. Quiet as a mouse before the cat, the ring sat the floor with a glint to match the owner of the hand above, its cold metal a reflection of the lost heart within the confused chest of a young hynerian.
ed note: Trev had intended this ring to go with this dress.
12 comments:
There's something about this post... can't quite put my finger on it... but it's there...
LOVE the fractual - one of my favourites - I collect antique jewellery ;)
" heavy suffocating cloak of depression had rolled into his quarters like dense fog off a nocturnal humid moor"
"but a dark place within, a wound neither dressed nor healed, a closet within his psyche he had avoided. Within that closet, however, was a throb, persistent as a drip"
Brill - and this is just the opening paragraph!
Another awesome post :)
Thank you Miladysa. Need a foot rub? ;-)
If you find that "something" please let me know. I'm dying to know what that might be. :-)
LOL!
Not sure... strange I know but this one 'feels' different in some way ;]
Well, keep working. I wanna know what you are sensing. Tap into your otherworldly characters for an answer if need be. I won't tell anyone. ;-)
Do you feel a bit of the "I'm slipping down the rabbit hole" in this one? Or is there something else. Don't tease me--unless, of course, you want the same in return. I have to warn you, however, my teasing skills are rather switched on. :-D
Wow, quite simply, that was just wow! Miladysa highlighted the first paragraph and the parts within that I would have done so too, especially first quotation, which is sheer genius in a single sentence. As heavy and suffocating and dense as the description, how you manage to cover each word in turn so that the very act of reading these sentences takes on the heaviness that the character is feeling, I do not know, but somehow you do, your descriptions so strong and full-force that there is little room for any other thoughts outside of each part in turn. Nothing said as yet, perhaps never to be, but Trev's thoughts in regard to Zoe seem much deeper than an instant attraction and I wonder yet again whether that bobbing head that he had hoped to see at the dock, he now sees in different circumstances. Trev of 2 years ago is very different from Trev of today and there was a reason whomever she was did not show at the dock that day, although if it were Zoe that needn't be connected to Ceru at that time. Could be too Zoe is someone else that Trev knew. Or not. Endless fun to ponder in any case, and almost always certain with this story that there will be a tie-back at some point, even if that has only to do with Ceru. Until we know more and beyond that too, Zoe remains a subject of intense curiosity. Here what she might mean to Trev and as follows Trev and Em.
The writing is so full-bodied, I near forgot to mention the marvellous content of what you were actually describing in that first paragraph. Not only the heaviness, depression and confusion, the feelings of being torn, but also thoughts of escape, escape from the situation which is nothing more or less than escape from himself. Had he the entire universe, a vessel of his own to command, there would be nowhere far enough for him to escape the throb and it is this that you have illustrated so efficiently, so completely.
Going on to describe the physical toll that his psychological anguish has upon him accentuates what a marvellous and meticulous writer you are, observant, insightful, and it is these details in your writing, the attention and completeness that makes reading these chapters such a cherished experience. Things felt, so difficult to break down and describe, yet you do so with the most amazing clarity and understanding. Am not explaining this very well, but you miss nothing and include everything and have a knack most importantly for knowing precisely what those things are. It is a beautiful piece of writing, wow was what was felt having read it, the rest is just the impossible task of saying a little about why.
LOL
I'll ask the others ;]
Sweetest, I was "waring" Trev this morning. I'll explain "waring" when you have a minute or two. It's an interesting concept. Let's just say, he let me borrow him for a few minutes. ;-)
...a heavy suffocating cloak of depression had rolled into his quarters like dense fog off a nocturnal humid moor...
I know this has already been highlighted and such, but as Autumn too has already used this word...
...cos it's SUCH a great word...
I felt the THROB of that fog. I felt it cos I've felt that very fog.
I feel like I JUST broke free from this same fog!
Have you been in my bedroom recently?
Man, you are one talented man, Mr. Tree.
Oh Strumper, you already had my pants down, now look what you've done. :-D
amazing piece of art! :P
Thanks Link.
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