"Kyra's back," said Em.
"I know," replied Trev.
"Baby, you don't look too excited. What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"No, that face ain't nothing. Talk to me."
Trev sighed. Right arm cummerbunding his ribs, hand balled fist white. (Upon which) Left elbow found perch, the branch of thumb braced under left cheek, head cocked down, index and middle finger holding court on forehead before bowed ring and pinkie fingers.
"Trev," added Em, her hands rubbing his shoulders, "we don't have to go. We can stay right here if you like."
"No, we need to go. I'll be okay."
"You sure?"
"No."
"Then let's stay."
"You know, there was a time I would have thought staying was a good idea. Fear is like that. It lies. Lies like a hot poker about to . . . . Look, I'm sorry."
"For what baby?"
"For ever thinking this would work."
"Baby, what are you saying?"
Trev turned.
"Don't go."
He kept walking.
"Trev. You walk out that door, you walk out on me now, don't come back."
He turned. Eyes cold as cloudless night. The moment hung. Breath watched. Hearts bass heavy.
(to be continued or rewritten or forgotten or deleted)
7 comments:
I like the editor's notes about continuing, rewriting, discarding... Funny. Seems that you are sure how you feel about the scene that played out in your mind.
And it was obviously quite clear in your mind because of the detail that you gave to Trev's body language.
Where would I look in the story to better understand Trev and Kyra's relationship? Why would her react that way to her return?
I like the 'voice' that you gave to Em. "Ain't" stuck out in my mind and I heard her drawl!
Be blessed Tree.
Jennifer
HAH! It's late. I was trying to say that you "aren't sure". Does my comment make any more sense now?
Oh and Why would HE react....
LoOpY.
Going to bed.
Jen, this chapter, as is, is a little unfair to the reader--actually a lot unfair since I don't share what is going on in Trev's head. It is not Kyra. It is the idea of "returning" which is a way for me to move into Trev's background and his father. In short, Trev's father abandoned the family when he was young and Trev believed in all his heart that one day he would return--he didn't. As children are wont to do, Trev blamed himself for his father leaving. So, what we are seeing here are two things at work: (1) the return of Kyra stirs up some long repressed emotions that in turn,; (2) cause Trev to go overboard in his reaction to his relationship with Emy, in a sense, his feeling unworthy of her love combined with feeling sorry for himself combined with a vague and unarticulated cry for help. I bet you didn't know all that was in this chapter. :-D
Was amused too by the notes at the end, shocking almost for the fact that personally I truly loved this chapter, the openness of it, of not knowing exactly what is going on or why, but once again understanding that there is much about Trev that we do not know or to put it in another way, there are parts of him that we never get to or at least haven't yet. Makes me smile that thought, of just how strong a character he has become, one that occupies a great deal of thought, for unlike so many of the others, his has been a very slow build. Where others have been very clear from first meet, Trev has changed and grown (not that the others haven't), but as they are wont to say on reality shows :-D, he has had the greatest journey (not that the others haven't :-D). Anyway, I'm babbling, which as you know is somewhat of an indication for how much I enjoyed a chapter.
You've said it all here in your comment, about why he reacts the way he does, so I won't babble about that. :-)
One rather interesting aspect of Em's ultimatum, for lack of a better word, is the confident tone, not that he will return, but that she deserves him to, that she needs more from him. I think here of the shift that occurred in him in another scene, where warmth turned cold, and her regret at that moment. She has been the fighter, and still is.
The detailing was absolutely wonderful, unlike any other instance, matter-of-fact and bold and brilliant. Loved the title.
It's all the little things that make a person fall in love with this story. I love for example the way that she calls him Baby. I love the wonderfully original phrases that you come up with, to read you is not only exciting but a literary feast for the senses, phrases such as the cummerbunding, of perching and holding court intertwined as it is with Em's, as Jen pointed out, 'drawl'. With these last chapters, the impression is secure of Kyra being gone a long time, not necessarily measured in real time, but in events and changes. In other ways, it is as if there has been a standstill, Bravo without Kyra.
This chapter showcases Em anew, steady and strong, loyal and there, supporting those that she loves, supporting simply also because she can, because it is what is right. As I was saying above, before dinner interrupted, it is very nice, for better or worse in regards to where they go from here, to see her less fearful. Not to be misunderstood as confidence that he will heed what she is telling him, that it will make a difference, that it will be able to reach him where his mind now is, she is without doubt very fearful of losing him, of him leaving, but she is less fearful of trying, less fearful of reaching for it all, a sort of all or nothing stretch. It's worth it, in other words, it is how much she loves him.
A bubble bursting is a clichéd expression, but it is the one that comes to mind to watch them here and remember how glorious their glow has been of late. ..(My mind is elsewhere just now:)..the eternal optimist even the experience that Trev had could not dull it, but of course it was always there. The past, a blockage, in whatever form it did and will take.
The apology - your eternal flow is very much in evidence here - very nicely done, smooth and tragic and as the words are spoken, the tone becomes inevitable, and the optimism though unfailing does falter at the acknowledgement of freewill and that sometimes some things regardless of how right turn out all wrong. Final riddance perhaps underway, one can only hope.
Skated over the detailed description of Trev's stance, must just take a moment to mention it again. Love both the style and the language of it, a close up leaving nothing to be guessed upon, a rather nice contrast in that respect to the rest of the content and its reason.
What this chapter does, like hundreds before it, is highlight that this is very much a moment to moment story, not necessarily in succession nor do they have pattern, but just as life, and that is what amazes me and makes me admire you so as a storyteller, those moments are large, small, life-changing, bonding, teaching and simply and together they connect and move and create and fulfil and I just, wow, that's it. I just wow. Loved the idea, the flow, the style, the language, the changes, the contrast, the dialogue, the reasons known, the reasons unknown, the thoughts conjured, the mystery intensified, the title, loved the title, breathy, the image, baby, perch, I'll be okay, the not sure, the mind that fills with its own clouds and shadows and shuts out everything else, Kyra's return which hasn't even happened yet but the very expectation is creating ripples, holding court, pinkie - very American, quaint and endearing, that face ain't nothing, the nothing that comes before that which has been said by many, let's stay, the rubbing of shoulders, breath that watches - fabulous, and the parenthesis at the close. Loved it all, love it all. Love you too. :-D
No, I didn't know all of that was in this chapter :)
I had thought that Trev and Em had come so far. I am glad she let him know if he leaves to stay gone. I hope she sticks to her guns... sort of. I like a female character with backbone but love makes people weak. I'll be interested to see if #1 the chapter stays and remains a building block in the Story, and #2what happens!
Be blessed Tree. Going to be out of pocket for a week or so, but I look forward to catching up with the Story as soon as possible!
Jennifer
Jen, travel safe. Thoughts and prayers with you and your family in the move. Take care my friend. :-)
Post a Comment