All I can say is the feeling of joy, of breathing again after 96 days of medicated hell is virtually impossible to put into words. And best of all, the feeling is natural, no rose colored glasses, just a good, clean, natural happiness and joy from within. :-)
And I'm buying and listening to music again as I did before. To have music back, fully completely back after having it taken away from me, is beyond my powers of description. I feel alive like I have not felt alive in more than a year. If you were here, my energy would overwhelm you and you might not ever recover, or ever want to leave. ;-)
You know, I've been working on what I would do if I were to have lunch with myself from a few months ago--what I would say, what I would do knowing what I know now. Here is what I know--words are meaningless. There is nothing and I mean absolutely nothing anyone can say that will make any different whatsoever. In fact, when someone is in a severe clinical depression (and I suppose I can only speak for myself) words are a one way street--they can harm, but they can't help. One thing can help. A wordless, sincere, authentic, genuine, embrace of eye as well as arm. And time. Just to spend time.
This is why it can be difficult caring about others, those who don't know already will learn the truth of what you speak of within, sometimes nothing can be said, nothing can be done, all one can do is stay close by if needed. No greater ache than to watch someone in pain and know there is very little one can do.
For those of us who have followed this blog for some time, there are things that we have learned about you, one being your love of music and so although one cannot possibly know what it meant to be without or what it means to rediscover anew, the level of joy and appreciation can be guessed at. :-) How I love to hear the words a good, clean, natural happiness and joy from within. I wish in turn I could explain just how wonderful it is to 'see' you this way once again.
Sorry, I have a hard time taking my eyes off uh hmm, well. Sure has me smiling wide. :}
The blog does not do your farm justice. Being able to see the entire thing on FB is incredible.
All that being said...I'm sooo glad to "see" you smile. To know that you are enjoying music and poetry. Sigh...If I bring a book of poetry, will you sit with me, read to me, on that magical farm of yours. When you get tired of reading we can turn on some music lie back and look at the stars. sigh.(If you come dressed like your pic, I can't make any promises about keeping my hands to myself, especially if you're in MY lake...)
10 comments:
Been a long time, but it feels so FRAILING good. I feel naturally, genuinely, authentically magnificent!
That makes me happy, makes me smile the kind of smile that widens anew each time I think of you.
All I can say is the feeling of joy, of breathing again after 96 days of medicated hell is virtually impossible to put into words. And best of all, the feeling is natural, no rose colored glasses, just a good, clean, natural happiness and joy from within. :-)
And I'm buying and listening to music again as I did before. To have music back, fully completely back after having it taken away from me, is beyond my powers of description. I feel alive like I have not felt alive in more than a year. If you were here, my energy would overwhelm you and you might not ever recover, or ever want to leave. ;-)
You know, I've been working on what I would do if I were to have lunch with myself from a few months ago--what I would say, what I would do knowing what I know now. Here is what I know--words are meaningless. There is nothing and I mean absolutely nothing anyone can say that will make any different whatsoever. In fact, when someone is in a severe clinical depression (and I suppose I can only speak for myself) words are a one way street--they can harm, but they can't help. One thing can help. A wordless, sincere, authentic, genuine, embrace of eye as well as arm. And time. Just to spend time.
Tree,
Having been to that dark space a few times now I could not agree more with you on the fact that words mean nothing while you are there.
It is as if a whole new language took over for me and it was silent, and dark, and cold. Numbing is what I remember most.
I am glad to hear you are coming back, that is a hard place to be for long periods of time.
Cat, thanks so much for stopping by. I'd give you a hug if I could.
This is why it can be difficult caring about others, those who don't know already will learn the truth of what you speak of within, sometimes nothing can be said, nothing can be done, all one can do is stay close by if needed. No greater ache than to watch someone in pain and know there is very little one can do.
For those of us who have followed this blog for some time, there are things that we have learned about you, one being your love of music and so although one cannot possibly know what it meant to be without or what it means to rediscover anew, the level of joy and appreciation can be guessed at. :-) How I love to hear the words a good, clean, natural happiness and joy from within. I wish in turn I could explain just how wonderful it is to 'see' you this way once again.
Sorry, I have a hard time taking my eyes off uh hmm, well. Sure has me smiling wide. :}
The blog does not do your farm justice. Being able to see the entire thing on FB is incredible.
All that being said...I'm sooo glad to "see" you smile. To know that you are enjoying music and poetry. Sigh...If I bring a book of poetry, will you sit with me, read to me, on that magical farm of yours. When you get tired of reading we can turn on some music lie back and look at the stars. sigh.(If you come dressed like your pic, I can't make any promises about keeping my hands to myself, especially if you're in MY lake...)
Yea I see you smiling, you look like a WC out there.
What are you doing, creating a computer game?
PS, and don't you come on my blog without any clothes on, understand?
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