Saturday, March 21, 2009

Clearing the Canvas (unfinished tripe)

I look for you
lost as a puppy
abandoned
on the interstate

my tail still wags
I still hold hope
sniffing the ground
as cars fly past

no one stops
the suns slips away
and where there was warmth
a blanket of cold descends

__________

When I was young
I didn't much care
for the taste of beer

As I get older
the taste of a cold beer
gets better and better

as my memory
of childhood dreams
grow fainter and fainter

__________

Remember
re
mem
ber
Re-mem-ber

I feel dis
mem
bered
when all I want
to do
is forget

and the wheels inside
have a different
agenda

and I remember
we don't
have
two lives
to live

2 comments:

Ms Storm said...

This is not tripe. Though you probably guessed that I would refute it. :-) Just unfinished masterpieces.
The first, the first is patent, it is stark and bare, and it is the last stanza that creates the greatest impressions. The first two can be summarized, not to offend, but as a well-written, allegorical, evident proclamation, of being abandoned, of being hopeful, the idea conveyed that perhaps reason is unknown or at least that there is confusion involved in that hopefulness, of being disbelieving that this is what the fates have deigned. The final paragraph however is quite different, with the loss of hope comes the casting away of the symbol used above, at least there is no mention of it, as though the cold, hard realization has changed even this. I absolutely love this last stanza, but explaining why is proving astoundingly difficult. The style, as mentioned above, the plainness of the language, not to be misunderstood, is most effective, as barren of theatrical composition as the abandoned heart is of warmth, of hope.

Ms Storm said...

The second made me think of a Celine Dion song, something I prefer not to do, not that I mind her music, but one at time and on the odd or special occasion. You may guess which, and though I cannot be certain for the song is playing so vividly as I read this poem, I believe it is there for more than the opening words, but for tones that resemble. Not meaning, tone. Very nice beginnings.