John opened his duffel bag, feet solid on the ground, shoulders squared, back straight. His hair was cropped short, his face shaved, nails clipped military neat. To the left, he re-folded his underwear, tucking the cloth neatly into the corner of his bag. Socks along the sides like tires on the outside of a tugboat. His pressed shirts took second tier, one laid upon the other head to toe and toe to head, rising in equal measure by design.
Ariel sat to his left on a stool and watched. This was her dad. His routine was him and what was him was a part of her. His attention to detail, care, organization, neatness. All of it. "Daddy, why do you pack like that?" she asked, not so much to know the answer but to hear him say it; and not so much to hear him say it, but to hear how he said it, the tone, the sureness, the confidence in 'his way.'
John stopped, a shirt in his hands. "Take care of the little things and the big things will take care of themselves."
Ariel twirled her feet, toes pointing down. With innocence or precociousness, John could not tell, she asked the question he left hanging. "What big thing are you worried about?"
John smiled. Ariel was a very intelligent and observant adult trapped in a six year old body, or if he closed his eyes this would be the impression created, namely, that talking to Ariel was not like talking to a child and he wondered if she had been quite this way prior to Kyra taking her into the divine or if, Janus forbid, he had just never noticed before, been gone too much as Cait was wont to remind him. Yanking the thought as a weed for fear of it rooting is his tender psyche, he quickly responded. "I'm worried that what I once knew I've forgotten and what I once knew is that everything matters, no matter how insignificant. I once knew that we paid for everything in the currency of time and nothing went without cost, a price, of money once exchanged that could never be refunded." John placed the shirt on the bed and leaned over, his eyes level with hers. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Ariel stared into his large deep eyes and without a blink of hesitation said: "You're saying if you don't hug me right now and tell me you love me, that my bank account of hugs and I love you's will always be one short."
John opened his arms to match his smile. Ariel wrapped his neck with little arms like vines. "And dad, one more thing."
"What's that Sweetie?"
"Mommy told me her bank account was full."
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Commentary and Reading posted on the Podcast page: Revenant
Audio can also be found on iTunes: Story Podcasts
14 comments:
Audio commentary coming later tonight on this chapter.
You are like a dancing fountain display, water that moves in different ways, twining and touching and crossing, some quiet when others reign, what I mean to say is that this is The Story at it's best and yet that isn't quite it for this is one springing, rising fountain, full of life and light, graceful and hypnotic, as the story moves, like the water from one side to the other, one over here, one over there, each leaping to the same height, different yet the same and each ultimate. Each part and complete of what makes this place what it is. My eyes fill to think of such beauty, of the touch that is the story. Declarations of love are never-ending I'm afraid, I simply love the simile that compares the socks in the duffel to tires on a tugboat. And the part about what is a part of him is a part of her. Picture painted with the skill that you have become known for, she sitting there as many a child has done with a parent or grandparent before her prompting for words or actions known, wanting to hear or experience them again. Am always so thoroughly enchanted by how you are able to say so much in so few words, how as I have often said you are able to say what you want to say in the simplest of ways, but it's so much more than that, it is as though you are able to capture the essence of a thought, an idea, an emotion and so forth and by showing that core, everything that could be added becomes unnecessary perhaps even misleading. The janking of the root is one such example, genius is in simplicity. Extraordinary child is Ariel, not just for her understanding, her compassion, I think of those chapters with Em, with Kyra, with her mother as they were about to leave Kulmyk, in some ways she reminds me of young Kyra, she instinctively seems to know how to reach people, how to give them something of what they need. Spiritually wise, young at heart. Bless her, and bless you for sharing her with us and for the indescribable sensation that it is to surround oneself with this chapter. Your heart evident throughout this story, few easier to love.
Sweetest, I'm running out of ways to say thank you. If I were a tree, you'd be the sun, for the light you cast upon my branches spurs me to ever and ever greater heights, seeking union of mind and soul. Thank you for the smiles. I've got a whole bushel barrel full. :-)
This was what I needed to read. It is a balm to my own sore heart.
Jen, your comment humbles me. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Its been a long time... Reading your words makes me happy and sad at the same time. Beautiful as always xx
What ethereal vision is this that i see at the top of the page?!!!
Beautifully patterned colored light!
Trust you tree, to come up with something unique each time!
I LOVE this chapter! Now I wonder which lines of your are more beautiful than the other! each one surpasses itself!
"Take care of the little things and the big things will take care of themselves."
Words of such wisdom & truth! There is so much I learn from you each time!
& I am thinking that judging from Ariel's short succinct answer in the end "You're saying if you don't hug me right now and tell me you love me, that my bank account of hugs and I love you's will always be one short.", It becomes clear of how intelligent she really is to sum up all the John says, so concisely & precisely!
Elise, you've been missed as has been your wonderfully writing. Thanks for the kind words. Hope and trust all is right and good in your world. Heading over, so make room. :-D
Mona, Ariel is a treasure. What I find interesting is the question John asks because I've been asking the same one--When Kyra took Ariel to see her mother 'in the divine,' Ariel seemed to change, to return more mature, full of wisdom and understanding without losing any of her sweetness; and so I wonder, just exactly what happened? John is right to question the change--it is there, not just his imagination.
I'm still planning on doing audio commentary for this chapter for those that care to listen to such ramblings. So much in this chapter I want to capture before the story moves on and I forget it was there in the first place. :-D
Thanks for the kind words on the header image and the chapter Mona. Your kind and touching words are always welcomed here. :-)
Elise, I have to ask the question. Why does reading my words make you sad?
Ow... "her bank is full" seemed so sad to me... and you have captured the child-spirit so well here, the old soul in a child's body.
As always, the image you've put above is breathtaking. I find myself looking and wondering how the heck you did it, and then admonishing myself to simply enjoy, don't analyze!
JRM, seems that many have misinterpreted what Ariel meant with the "mommy says her bank account is full" comment. Another case of me knowing what I meant but not explaining it very well. So here goes.
Her mother, Cait, was raped and murdered in front of John's eyes. John feels tremendous guilt. When Ariel says that mommy's account was full, it was her way of saying that John gave to Cait everything he had and Cait fully recognizes that John held none of his love back. Ariel is trying to tell her dad, John, that everything is okay, to harbor no regrets, that he did all he could have done and that Cait feels that way (Ariel had the chance to visit her mother 'in the divine' --the afterlife--so she knows things that her dad doesn't with regard to her mother. In other words, that mommy's bank account is full is a very good thing. :-D
Thanks for the very kind words on the image. It is growing to be one of my favorites. :-)
tree, You are very right about the question. It is very significant. Changes of maturing takes place, but to go along with them and to keep your innocence intact; that is what creates an extraordinary being...
Ariel is special in that she is a child woman...& it struck me since it seemed that looking at her I was looking in a mirror...
Mona, I can see that mirror very clearly. I think you and Ariel would get along very well. :-)
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