Trev ran. From Em. From Mairi. But mostly, from himself, or, as he might rationalize, to himself, whatever the hell that meant. The sand under his feet, between his toes, burned with coarseness or friction or heat or all the above but he ran anyway, ran till he felt his heart in his chest, heard it throb in his ears till even the surf sounded distant. Then he ran more, ran to extinguish the pain through sheer exhaustion as if his mind, like an old sludge-filled engine, simply needed to spin, to rev, to burn the gunk of regret through physical exertion.
For all his effort, he might as well have tried to kill the fly on his forehead with a sledgehammer. Perhaps then his bastard memory would reveal what was real and what had only been a dream or, maybe, just his over active imagination. Em asked the wrong question at the wrong time and Janus damn her for pushing the issue, an issue he himself couldn't reconcile, his memory a puzzle, complete it seemed except for those extra pieces, pieces she demanded an accounting and he but a mumbling idiot had not an answer. Not one frailing answer. Remember she had said. Remember frailing what. Remember frailing what.
Climbing wet rock, the air turned cooler in the aestival evening. A tide pool, calm as glass, reflected herds of cotton-ball clouds roaming a sky pristine. Trev leaned over, his face unrecognizable. His smile, a grin; his eyes hollowed. Indignation rose from gut to throat, stuck, lacking object to strike. Curses, ugly, tremored his cracked lips, held within to stew, for the stewing resonated a delicious pain, one familiar, welcomed as enemies joining hands against a common foe.
He played the events over in his mind, what he said, what he didn't say, what he wished he had thought to say. She looked so beautiful in her hurt, like a little girl discovering a cherished belief was nothing more than a lie, and the liar had nothing but excuses that belied not care and concern or even wisdom; rather, a glimpse, a look into the void, an opening into the chasm they called adulthood--code language for, we don't have a frailing clue and neither will you in time. She had that kind of look on her face and the image, static, unchanging, bore a hole between his eyes like a bullet, one he had fired come around the world, and in perfect symmetry stuck him dead stupid, tongue ripped from moor, throat afire, surrounded by water he couldn't drink. Licking his cardinalate lips, he could not deny some perverse pleasure in the taste.
17 comments:
I don't know which I am more impressed with - the writing or the artwork! I so look forward to your posts.
Dana, thank you for the kind words. I know a good Italian restaurant, with booths and long table cloths. Let me buy you a bottle of red and we shall break, ahem, bread over your welcomed visits. :-D
Gorgeous fractal !
Remember what... Interesting - is he getting Alzheimer's - or dealing with being an assclown ?
Annie, when Mairi 'succored' Trev (the chapter First Time: 13 June 2007), he was still unconscious. She kinda had her way with him, emotionally and sexually. He has dreams about what happened and is pretty sure he knows what happened but still, his memory of the events after his abuse at the hands of Sal is a bit sketchy, especially as it relates to what Mairi may or may not have done to bring him back to health. So when he says he doesn't remember, he really doesn't. :-D
Thanks for the kind words on the image. I've got a few more we'll see as the header image in the days to come. Some new stuff. :-)
I hope figures out what he's doing and runs home again...
Your fracs keep getting better.
I hope you're well - sorry I haven't been commenting lately! *HUGS*
Karen, so nice to see you stopping by. I have no idea what exactly Trev is running from. As soon as he tells me, I'll put it in the story but I have a suspicion he is rather clueless. Thanks for the kind words on the images. :-)
Such an instinctual thing to do. To run. Literally, trying to escape something in pursuit, psychologically. To try to outrun by losing oneself in physical exertion, to replace, drown, one with the other. Or try to. Even when it works, it is temporary and so one can only hope that his rationalization that he is running to himself is true, that in leaving Em, Mairi behind and finding himself alone, away, he might find too that there is nowhere else to go. It's funny, for whatever reason I had put Mairi and the events that transpired between them to one side, had decided this was at least in greater part to do with something else, to do with the (albeit complex) reasons why he spurted from the room a little while ago. Reading it again this evening therefore it is a little different than when I read it this morning (edits aside) and, having already spent the day with Trev, he, and his 'issues' are worrying me all the more with the above in mind. With his damning words, there's a sense that Em's questions could be the opening of Trevor's Pandora box, so to speak, and past events recent and past events not so recent are about to spill forth, that this is the final lap of a marathon that has lasted a long time. I don't know about all or any of that, just two of a hundred thoughts snaking in and out of one another watching him. As close as Kyra seemed yesterday, as well as we know her (and in reference to your reply about rounding characters, we can love what we do not know completely, and know the heart of someone without knowing their complete history or every thought they have ever had, what I mean to say is, and permission granted to use years upon years of time :), as we travel with them, we have through your marvellous writing come to know the value of their core, we've learned a little of their past, lived a little in their present and sometimes future and followed them as they grow and develop and continue, expand, do, say, see, know more. You, and I may be repeating myself, have created characters that are very easy to love, characters that one wants to get to know as well as one possibly can, characters that are clear and strong - pertaining here to the part about how their words and actions, how when they have developed, when we have come to know more of them, it has seemed right, to put it simply. The fact that there is more, that you intend for you/us to know still more is a good thing and very welcome. :) To say the very least.) through all that we have seen of her, as a child, as a young adult, now, then, the future, her relationships past and present, the sometimes extraordinary events that we have seen her steer or be steered by, we have really only seen Trev, at his rawest, with Mairi - if I could recall the title I would find the chapter that was centred on the page to read now, something within that I want to recall, for this, never mind for goodness knows I could sit here and write for hours just of all those thoughts I currently grappling for attention, but that is all that they would be, thoughts, what they mean, what they are part and parcel of, is the evocativeness of your writing. The first part of this chapter is positively mesmerizing. To use an expression I don't particularly like, for this instance either, it is like watching a train wreck, the emotions are intense, to see him running so hard knowing why he is doing so is excruciating to watch, to see someone inundated that they take flight, and at the same time it is deeply private, his experiences and how they have changed him, what they mean in regards to his psyche and his relationships, his interaction with others, how he sees himself, what he thinks as he remembers those events, is not something that those who have not lived it could understand, beyond understanding as well as can the magnitude. Nevertheless, the main point of the above was in regard to this first part of the chapter and how incredibly piercing and visual it is. His heart beating so loud. The sand burning his toes. For having run.
So many times the way you express something not only delights, excites at your command of language, your innovativeness, but so often it makes for smiles too, as the fly and sledgehammer. A's to B's, referencing previous repetition. The way you put these together as always, in a word, amazing, anything added to that interpretation is just more words. I read, I marvel. Not one frailing answer. Remember she had said. Remember frailing what. Remember frailing what. Simple. :) This is, as I have said, the greatest compliment in my eyes at least. Effective. Perfect. Marvellous. And though a part is quoted, the observation is throughout. Start to finish, title, through fractal, through prose. Pleasure in the pain, like an old friend, so far into the wow of this chapter, for the moment at least, wow is all I got. Fabulous, DT, bright as stars, loud as fireworks, awed, joyful wow.
Wow Trée long time no lurk, so much has changed so much to catch up on. Keep up the fantastic work!
THERE’S AN AWARD FOR YOU OVER HERE
Thanks Simon, on my way.
Sweetest, I bow before the beauty of your comment as warrior before queen. What can I say. You've outdone yourself and the smile on my face is starting to hurt. :-D
Your devotion to The Story never ceases to amaze me. Thank you.
Love,
Poppet
Sweet you are, but I still have 3 paragraphs of your chapter still to do. ;-) As long as you are writing, I'll be reading, what you have written, I re-read, so long as I can choose, I will choose to spend hours each week with the story, so long as I have memory and mind and heart, I will carry it with me, such is the power and beauty of your writing.
:-) It was a blessed day, the day that I met you here.
I think the blessing is mutual. I envy how you see the story. And I'm amazed after three years your interest seems to have only grown. I need to find me a story like that. :-D
ah! the hell within...
LMAO, I could have saved a lot of time and just written that. The hell within indeed. :-D
It almost sounds like madness... like he is on the edge and could go either way.
Was there regret or a perverse pleasure at the look on Em's face?
Jen
Jen, Trev felt a very dark emotion, one I'm not sure he would admit to anyone and probably hides from himself, namely, he did enjoy the pain he saw in her and enjoyed the fact that he was causing it. The emotion is not something he feels often and is perhaps hard to explain, but it is there and it does bother him and plays a role in the chapters to come. I'm not doing a very good job explaining what he felt but it has more to do with him than her; and it has more to do with his sense of crying out for help than being malicious, almost like he is begging through bad behavior for someone to slap him upside the head, then hug him, and then lift him to a higher understanding. Clear now? :-D
YES! And unfortunately it makes sense. I would rather be confused about how that is possible, but... No. I understand.
Jen
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