mornings and nights (KKB-15)

mornings and nights
these were the hardest
when the chores
sat aside
and the mind
had time
for the heart

the boy refused
to speak
and his face was
unreadable
except for
a distant look
which was not a look
so much
as a wall

mute as stone
slick with rain
dirty with refusal
to wash
to clean
to move beyond

I wanted to reach
to touch
to communicate
as we once did
but what once was
was
no
longer

he sat my table
our table
and I stared
as did he
as two mutes
each suffering
beyond articulation
publicly
private

I measured our moments
in breaths
in thoughts
unspoken
in pain held
within
my withering breasts
tears of milk
run
dry

he was my boy
and I his mother
beyond that
there was
nothing