I've developed a cough
not a sick cough
but the clearing throat cough
Reminds me of my father
the cough
and that scares the hell
out of me
as if we are riding
the same rails
which I know we are
but I just don't want
to admit
to admit where those
rails end
and the life
the life not lived
as he lived not
the years
he had
4 comments:
We ride the same rails, but knowing that, we can make choices along the trip -- thank goodness!
Very true OB. The cough thing has me scared though. ;-)
Distinctly personal, at the same time, as one often is the case when emotions (such as fears, hopes, etc) are revealed, your voice unites with the inner voices of each of us, touching upon specific fears perhaps that may be similar or quite different, but certainly time and mortality generally. The title is ingenious, evoking interest as one begins the poem, but primarily as an enrapturing focal point heading the very many ponderings that the digested poem generates. No less conspicuous were it flashing and ten foot high, with invitation to take several common expressions into consideration. I find myself wishing anew that I knew more about the technicalities of language, of sounds for perhaps then I could explain with basis, but lacking this knowledge I would hazard the guess that it is the elogated vowel sounds that occur in ride, same and rails that slows the pace of these words giving them the tone that later the poem reinforces via content et al, lending a sense of repetitiveness that penetrates independently of meaning (including the use of the word 'same'). The sense of unavoidability that comes from travelling along rails, of predetermination is vivid.
The manner in which the words of the poem thread back to the heading makes me think of the increased momentum of someone jumping on a trampoline, the height (distance) reached steadily becoming greater, in this way the poem follows a pattern, tight and ordered, disciplined, that parallels subject, and for some reason that I wish I knew how to define in detail this is most marked in the space between as if and I know.
To my mind, it highlights the gap between the theory and reality of choice, that in principle the only thing that lies between 'this' and 'that' is the decision to obtain 'that', in other words ourselves, but 'ourselves' brings to the table a whole set of obstructions. Found can be inspiration, aspiration, determination, dejection, acceptance, contentment,..., depending upon what we see when we look, or chose to see. Awareness therefore, always and above all is a reason for thankfulness regardless of what we do with it. We were driving. (Spiel direction lost, tbc perhaps)
(notes to self: purpose, connection, achievement)
Commenting focused on title, likewise the final two words are arresting, bold and emphatic, the had sounding precisely what it is, the punctuation, the end, the sound of this word, the very action of tongue moving against teeth and being brought to a dead end, apologies for the expression, is deeply affecting, emphasizing with this last note the tones of the piece as a whole.
Emotionally evocative to summarize and conclude this part.
Sunshine, some rails I want to ride and some I don't. :-D
The cough thing is an age thing and I think the age thing is more disconcerting than the father thing. ;-)
As always, your comments are magnificent and I am reminded how much I've missed you being around. :-)
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