Tom, entombed in iridescent glass, spoke through the respirator, his hoarse voice struggling on the raspy waves of modulated breath. “There’s a bond between brothers,” he said, “those bastards will never understand. They live in the foul mouth of darkness, glaring between rotting jagged teeth as razors, drinking their own blood and thinking it progress. Frail them my friend. See you in hell.” Tom punched the eject button. John stood dizzy of mind as if his head weighted ten times its normal weight and watched the glassed personal pod silently slip away, Tom grinning like a mad man, a gleaming pill swallowed by the cold unforgiving inky depth.
Score for this Chapter: Mu Vaibmu Vadjul Doppe by Mari Boine (Album: Eight Seasons)
7 comments:
Visually this is stunning, to see these frames of the pod disappearing into the blackness.
No where to hide for the crew members, for John, carried across into the writing here in this straightforward, categorical description of the physical effects incurred by the shock and tragedy of what has befallen him in a short space of time. There's a sense of being forced to face, forced to watch him attempt to hold himself together, to hold off on his reactions, while at the same time being able to see the reality.
First part is fabulous, from start to finish, portrait of John painted in the bold colours, hard-hitting, with the added brilliance of phrases such as Hair...in jailbreak. Love that. :-)
Tom carries it on the same (similar) style in his speech. Impressive, those short sentences making the words written all the more intense, somehow you've managed to create a silent exclamation mark at the end of almost everyone.
Images, writing, the combination makes this (as always) an excellent chapter!
Fell and kept falling throughout the song, and it gives this chapter even more of an edge. Those shivers just keep coming tonight, images, words, now music.
Sweetest, I tried to convey that sense of a final goodbye between friends. Tom and John have been through so much, and then, here at the end, Tom does a final favor and the two part--John on the transport with the rest of the Bravo crew and Tom in a personal pod back to his command carrier. Moments later the Tranquility self-destructs in a brilliant explosion and the parting is sealed in fire. So, in a moment, John lost his wife to death and his best friend to fate.
Of course, he is remembering this last scene because it is what his mind will allow. Thoughts of Cait are there, just buried, for now. Expect to see them--sooner or later. :-D
Tree,
I'm like a junkie with reading what you post each day...
Movie rights - I want the movie rights - and the book serialization !!! If I was a top notch agent, oh my.... whoever it is is going to make bajillions with you.
Hmmm, I'm even wondering about a Disneyland ride, costumes, lunchboxes, etc...
Tree - submit this. Seriously. All of it. Copyright it, and send it to everyone who counts. You're THAT good.
Annie, if you keep saying it enough I might just fall in love with you. Seriously, I do appreciate the encouragement more than you know. With fewer readers of late I've questioned whether the writing was simply not keeping anyone's interest. Love of the story and the characters, however, keep pushing me to live with them and their adventures. I feel as if they are a part of me, and, as funny as this may sound, I feel I know them better than some of my friends. Janus knows they often give me more comfort. :-D
Thank you Annie. If I were there I would throw you on a sturdy wooden table and show you just how much your kind words mean. :-)
Or an office chair. ;-)
I love the fractals.
Words said stuck in loop, playing playing playing...like remembering again & again...some tragic scene that wouldn't leave the mind and plays again and again...
Head weighing ten times its normal weight...it really does happen at times...
The final image of Tom being swallowed by death or space [ cold unforgiving inky depth] his body encased in a glass coffin looks like a gleaming pill. Swallowing a pill is like imbibing another pain .The imagery is great here. I love the image of the way Tom's body disappear into space...
Mona, I debated on whether I wanted to use these images for Tom (who survives) or for Cait (a funeral scene as one might imagine in space). From John's point of view, fate has swallowed his friend, taken their friendship and cast it away.
Still not sure how to deal with Cait's death. I have to be in certain frame of mind to write of such things. Might be awhile before we learn what exactly happened to her and how the crew dealt with her final goodbye.
Thanks for the kind words. I kinda liked the imagery here too. :-D
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