On his desk it stood, the box. Von quietly walked over, pulled out a chair and with eyes locked on the parcel as if at any moment it might disappear as a mirage on Silus, sat down. The box looked rather ordinary in its coarse brown cloth wrapping, but the dang thing was heavy. Von ran his weathered finger along the edges, leaned over with eyes closed and breathed in. For an instant, Ceru appeared in his mind as clear as if he were standing in the room. Von closed his trembling eyes tighter and running his regal nose along the package, breathed in the scent of his son again, and, for just a moment, father and son were together. Von smiled as the simple and absurd thought entered his head that if he never opened his eyes he would never have to face the separation that was searing the veins of his heart from the inside out. Even old Hynerians need their fantasies, he thought, or perhaps just fathers.
Untying the cord that bound, Von opened the box and a rubious glow filled the room, warming his smooth face: the Imprimatur of Letters, a sacred seal given rarely by the Order to works deemed extraordinary, as in not ordinary, as in, how the hellocks did he not know his son had written such a work, had had this work officially recognized by the Tao. Zeke knew. No imprimatur was recognized without his approval; yet, the sombeech had said nothing. Von felt lightheaded.
Inside the box were more than a thousand letters, neatly bound, all written in longhand, apparently one every day for just over three years. On the cover were two words and two dates separated with a dash. Von froze. The dates were his dates, his dates of captivity, of torture, of solitary confinement, of neural traces. The dates matched perfectly. Above the dates, just two words, My Father. Inside, a note, hastily scribed:
Dad,
I could say I love you with all my heart a thousand times and still I would feel the words were inadequate to the expression. You always taught me to trust the act and stand weary of the word. And so, in this work, I give you both, not as two, but as one. As you read these words, remember the letter, but know the deed.
I love you dad. Do your duty and I will do mine. And when the time comes, we will meet again with heads held high and I will greet you with arms open and heart warm and you will see a smile like you have never seen. You have been everything to me and with every breath that I have remaining, I will honor your memory with aid and succor to those in need and they will know, I am the son of Von.
Love,
Ceru
To be continued . . .
13 comments:
Wow.
The writing is superb, as it always is, the scene set so clearly. The emotion that accompanies these last couple of chapters has been like few others, and it is the fact that these have been one after another that prolongs the impact of each. He, they haven't left in days, the others have remained on the fringe and there hasn't been the interchange that there generally is. On top of that, we've known Von for a good length of time now, seen him over snoot, seen him in battle, seen him with Kyra, seen him in a variety of situations and all the while, through Silas, through the words about the all-important embrace that Zeke once gave him, mostly through the magnitude of what was unsaid, all the while we have known that he came from somewhere, that he had stories he could tell, that he had lived a full life. His relationship with his son, seen through the eyes of knowing they are lost to each other, which focuses less on the sadness of that but on just how they loved each other, has been incredibly moving. To read here of vices and searing, to see him breathing in the scent of his son, pulling him close in this way after the metaphor of the sea swallowing him, continued here with the sun setting, on Hyneria and on the likelihood that he will see his son again, to then continue to the note that reads they will be together again, and the smile, bright as any sun. Beyond any words that I have to tell you just how deeply one is able to fall into this chapter. On a side note, it makes me want to go back to the last hours of Bravo, when Kyra and Em were talking about Emily, about how love endures, since I do not remember whether Von spoke at all. I imagine, since I cannot recall that he did, just what his thoughts were filled as he listened.
A seal given by the Tao, a book of letters written that the man they had been written for never knew that they existed until now. Even in those last moments, the decision on whether he would ever see them wavered. There are questions and one more than hopes, trusts, that he will find the answers as he reads. This added detail, that his book was seen by others, that it was awarded a rare honour, is such a sagacious element to add into a situation that is already teeming.
The letter I have left for last, because other than to say my heart skipped a beat, that I literally ached reading it, I don't know what else to say that would adequately describe the impact of his words here. The second part of the letter gripped and doesn't look set to let go.
In complete awe, of Von, of Ceru, of you.
Sweetest, as you know, most of the story to date has focused on daughters to fathers (John and Ariel; Em and The Captain; Yul and her father) or daughter to grandfather (Kyra to Papa), and although we have seen bits and pieces of Rog and his dad, this is the first time I have allowed myself the luxury of a father to son exchange, one with real emotion, in part, because, as I mentioned last week, the living of a chapter like this takes so much out of me.
When I wrote the note, which actually wrote itself as my fingers typed and I saw what Ceru had to say, I knew I wanted to do video and I knew I could not. I do not think I could maintain my composure in reading that last line of the note. Perhaps it is a good thing I've got to jump on a plane and I don't have the time to do it today.
Your kind words are so very nice to see. As you know, what I think is the most powerful chapter in this grouping is coming up next (or at least I think it is coming next). When Von opens the holographic version of the book of letters and walks into those words, reaches out and holds them, well, I only hope I can do justice to the vision of what my mind sees and my heart has felt for more than a week now. Maybe this weekend, I will have a chance to exorcise this chapter from my conscious.
As for Von, I feel, with these last few chapters, that we are seeing him anew, and he takes on a depth that I don't think he ever had before and we haven't even gotten into his marriage and the events around that. So much to say, so much to write and so little time. :-D
As always, I don't know where this story would be without your incredible engagement on each and every chapter. You amaze me my dearest Sunshine. And I love you to pieces for it. :-)
PS: As for what Von had to say when Em and Kyra had the exchange you mentioned, I believe when he heard there was a story he asked if he could listen to the retelling. Since that chapter centered on Em and Kyra, we only know that Von was there, how he looked at the listening. Now that we know what we know, I think we could all read that chapter again and would see it, at least from Von, in a very different light, a deeper, heavier light, and we can only wonder what must have been going on in his head when Kyra told the story and Emy ended the chapter about the reunion with that little girl.
Interesting.
TK, so are your boots. :-D
Good luck at the game!
Incredibly powerful words. Can I bill you for the used tissues ? :)
It is a lovely chapter, very endearing and very well written...always looking forward to the next instalment
Janete, thank you for reading and thank you for the kind words. :-)
Jenni, hang on to that bill. The next chapter in this series is even more emotionally powerful than this one. And, I have more in mind beyond that. :-D
As always, thanks for the kind words. :-)
Mind muddy with a thousand compromises...Wonderful expression of a true state...
I see that even the father has to cut the umbilical chord! It must be painful, like the peeling of the skin...
The last chapter depicts it most poignantly & beautifully too.
Mona, thanks for recognizing that phrase--it is my favorite in the whole chapter and I was hoping someone would see it. That you did makes me smile. Thank you. :-)
*sob*
LOVE the fractual - awesome ;)
Thanks Miladysa. You've stumbled upon one of my favorite chapters in the whole story. :-)
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