Mairi knocked on the (red) door.
Trev, did you hear something?
Knuckles white, petite, rose thrice, fell twice.
No baby, not a thing.
Wood sonorous, sentinel sennet, sung with susurration feminine.
I could have swore I heard something.
What fell, fell as rain, the door (silent) witness silent, her heart (leaden) rendered violent.
Do you want me to check?
Rims glinted, a light kind to eyes (verdant) full of (liquid) pain reflective.
Yes, please.
Crimson cheeks quivered, command lost, decorum abandoned.
Okay.
Snuffle breath, pond shallow, issued cries inaudible to stone ears.
Thanks.
Arm rose, the weigh as lead, purchase beyond body to pay.
Trev opened the door.
Her cape opened in the fall, a pleated parachute forming a perfect circle.
Oh my Janus. Mairi? Em!
5 comments:
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I really enjoyed your use of alliteration in this piece.
Thanks Blue. This chapter started as one thing and ended as another. I believe the world can be found in a grain of sand. The idea, to do something a little different, to go deep into a single moment, to push myself and my imagination was this: take the simple sentence "Mairi knocked on the door" and write it ten different ways, each one shedding a slightly different light on what was occurring, and maintain each entry to a single sentence.
Well, as plans for battle dissipate in the fog of war, after the second sentence (Wood sonorous ...) I changed tack and did the ping pong thing you see here. :-D
Glad you enjoyed it. :-)
Oh my gosh, now what(?!). :-) All’s fair in love and war, as they say, so too is all welcome within The Story but my goodness, coping with the expansive range of emotions that you elicit is not easy. Loved yes, easy no. :-) As I’ve said before, if I were a nail biter, I’d be up to my elbows by now. On a completely, partially anyway, different note, I’m liking already the reciprocation that seems about to occur here, where Mairi needs assistance and Trev and Em are the ones sought and the ones who will of whatever assistance they are capable of or required to give. Wonderfully visual, the imagery particularly as the scene ends of Mairi encircled by her cape with Trev standing in the doorway calling to Em back in the room, time slows right down and stops with the chapter, to a single frame and the shock, mostly the unawareness of what is happening, what has happened. In a slightly better position though that is seriously debatable are we, who saw a little of the moments before she fell, debatable for distress seen has not enlightened. Patience you’ve taught and the pauses are not dreaded, appreciated rather, so long as there’s the expectancy one day the rest of the pieces will be shown. :-) I like very much the simple description of her knuckles and the sonorous wood, gorgeous, the respect evoked as command is lost, and purchase beyond body to pay, such wonderful phrasing. Agree with Blue. Very nicely done all round.
Thank you Sweetest. Some chapters are more enjoyable to write than others. This was one. I am a simple man. I like simple things. This chapter is pure and clean and simple. Thank you, as always, for giving me reason to write, permission to dream and license to soar. :-)
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