John poured golden amsec, Cait watched.
“Say when.”
“When.”
The golden liqueur matched Cait’s primrose hair as the sparkle of crystal mimiced the catch-light in her demurring eyes. Ariel was playing with Em or Em with Ariel for the evening. Seems Ariel took a liking to Em, almost as if Em offered her the opportunity to play the grown-up, helping Em function without sight. Either way, the relationship afforded John and Cait time alone.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Always. What’s on your mind?”
“How do you do it?” asked John.
“Do what hon?”
“Remain so calm, so steady, so steadfast.”
Cait put down her fork and her eyes came alive with the intensity of ten suns. “I allow myself no other option. I look forward, not back. I let go of what cannot be changed.” Cait lifted her glass and John poured before the witness of two candles flickering light into shadows thus rendering edges hard, soft, of dimness cold, warm.
“My actions--” Cait put her finger to her lips as her other hand reached across the table to rest on his.
“What is done is done,” she said. “I know what I know. I am reconciled. I am at peace. I am here, John, not because of what you have done or not done, I am here because I love you and I love Ariel and I love us, together. Do you understand?”
“I just want you to know, if you had decided to stay, I would have understood.”
“And I just want you to know that staying, without you, knowing I would probably never see you again, knowing that you had been wrongly accused by someone with a vendetta, someone very powerful who invoked an ancient law, someone that was out to destroy you--and our family--at all cost,” Cait shook her head, “you see, without you, there is no family, there is no us. Staying, quite frankly, never entered my mind.”
“And Kyra. I know you heard the rumors. I know what my actions must have implied, the hurt you must have endured while I was gone.”
“John, we don’t live in a vacuum. None of us. She is a gorgeous, well, how else to say this but, alien. I understand the attraction. Really, I do. You know, you aren’t the only man I’ve ever looked at more than once. And believe me, with all the missions you undertook, there were plenty of lonely nights where a thought or two crossed my mind.”
“Really?”
“Oh yeah. You wouldn’t believe the temptation. When you were gone for extended periods of time and those young staff officers would drop by to check in on me and give me updates, you know the ones, just want a cup of coffee, whatever it takes to stay a little longer than necessary, looking so clean cut, so young and fit, so deliciously," Cait paused with a smile, "military.”
John sat up in his chair.
“John, I’m not a angel. Come on. I don’t want this to sound the wrong way, but I’m not an unattractive woman. I have needs, desires, wants. And while you were gone there were others very interested in filling those needs and desires.”
“Cait, dear, you want to tell me what you’re saying?”
“I’m saying John what is done is done. Nobody is perfect. Not you. Not I.”
“So you--”
“No. Never. But I thought it. Maybe even had a dream or two. Look. I understand the attraction toward Kyra. For about two weeks, I resented the hell out of the mission you undertook. A few hours with The Commander, however, gave me a chance to see things in a different light. You have no idea how much that man has done for us.”
“What exactly did The Old Man tell you?”
“In a nutshell?”
“Yeah.”
“He told me you love me more than I would probably ever know. And, he told me that Kyra was the equivalent of the Holy Grail, and that by any means necessary she had to be kept out of Arc’teryxian hands, assuming she couldn’t be rescued. He told me the mission you embarked upon was ultra secret and that you did not steal the ship in question but rather that was your cover. And he told me you had been given orders to kill her if it came down to us having her or the Arc’teryxians.”
A tear rolled down John’s leathery cheek and the glistening of his eyes matched Cait’s. Taking her hand he stood up, lifted her into his arms and carried her past the arch of eternal bliss.
A few doors down. “Em, can I read you a bedtime story?” asked Ariel.
“Absolutely. What did you have in mind?”
“Once upon a time there was a little girl with rocket shoes. Have you ever heard that one?”
“Can’t say that I have.”
Ariel smiled. “It is my favorite story.” Before Em could respond, Ariel commanded center stage, her eyes wide, her hands waving, weaving the tale her father had told many times. Em began to cry.
“What’s wrong. You don’t like my story?” frowned Ariel.
“No, no, no sweetie. I love your story. I love it so much,” Em lied, “these are happy tears. Please continue."
“Can I crawl in bed with you?” asked Ariel.
“Sure.”
“I’m kinda tired. Is it okay if I finish the story tomorrow night?”
“I won’t take no for an answer,” responded Em thinking the little girl with her arms around her neck was wiser than a little girl that age should be. The two drifted off to sleep, one dreaming of motherhood, the other of friendship.
12 comments:
What a wonderful chapter! Easy or not. :-)
The ending, with the two of them slipping off into sleep each dreaming about love was such a beautiful scene. Ariel may not understand everything, but as with all of us, one need not understand everything in order to understand enough to offer comfort. Watching Ariel young as she may be has not only this once taught us something about how to be with each other, most recently was the scene back at the house when she was ready to leave.
It's so good to see John and Cait back together again. The two of them were something of an ideal in many ways from the start, and Kyra confirmed that in the chapter before last. I love her answer to his question. 'Always.'
I wonder what thoughts are going through Cait's mind as she speaks to him about being at peace, about Kyra, whether her telling him about having desires and temptations herself is for the sole purpose of putting him at ease (through a winding path) or whether in part she is reminding him that he should not take her for granted. In any case, to know that she is desired by others has the ultimate effect, that she to some extent likely also was looking to achieve, making her more desirable in his eyes too. Not that John ever had any trouble seeing her as such, but where she was always there, as Cait says, Kyra is alien, and as such has an added quantity of excitement.
Perhaps too, Cait making John wonder is a form of payback, subconscious perhaps, but just as she wonders and must trust, so too she is making John do the same thing in telling him about these young military men. Her telling him that she would never have taken it beyond being tempted, putting her family first, her love with him first, may be in part her telling him that this is what she chooses to believe that he did, regardless of what she might suspect or fear. It is remindful in that sense of the chapter, which I seem to mention often and so must have made a great impression on me, where she chose to believe the assurances of John's superiors when they told her that all was well inspite of not knowing if this was in fact the truth.
Whatever each is thinking, one thing remains certain, and that certainty is what matters above all. Regardless of what has happened or what might have happened, the two of them have something special together and with Ariel. In Cait's understanding, they not only move on, but they get better. Closer. Everything is pushing them together now, including themselves.
I (H) the story. More than I can tell you.
Sunshine, I think the relationship between John and Cait just got a lot more complex and a lot more interesting with our peek behind closed doors to the private side of relationship, the side a couple keeps to themselves. How much Cait is telling the truth, I don't know. How much John is willing to question, probably little. Relationship is compromise for the sake of a greater good. Let the petty fall by the wayside.
As for Ariel, how could you not love a kid like that. :-)
As always, your kind and generous words are wonderful to read. Thank you Sweetest One. :-)
:-)
Morning, x
Afternoon. :-)
WOW, tree, you've got me all caught up in the story..... I felt such peace when she said she was at peace... She IS desriable, on her own... It isn't just him and what he does... I like how you showed that.
Annie, Cait is a fabulous woman, beautiful and strong. John is very lucky to have her. And you're right, she has found peace from the most important place--within. :-)
"Reconciled"--I think this is a good place for me to stop reading for the night.
It's harder than I thought, some simple things.
O
O, I love you to pieces for taking so much time and making the effort to get caught up on the story. If you were here, well, let's just say there wouldn't be any time to read and you would have no doubt how much I appreciate you--and the wonderful white sheets here at the Hyatt. :-D
Oh this is funny, Trée! I must have been more exhausted than I even realized when I tried to read this last time because I thought Kyra was telling a bedtime story to Ariel--that didn't make any sense to me, or the child's reaction to it...that's funny.
Oh. I still wasn't getting it. Sigh.
O, the last part of this chapter shows the bonding that is happening between Em and Ariel. Em is in essence babysitting for John and Cait here. Em has lamented before the thought of not ever having children so in a way Ariel is both a blessing and a curse in what she represents to Em's emotional landscape. Ariel senses this and is trying very hard to comfort Em. The little girl is just this side of precocious. :-)
Thank you Trée...I might need you to help me with this a little bit now and then like you just did... Kisses to you
O, I am here every step of the way. Just ask. If you want my cell so I can talk you through a chapter, just email me. I meant what I said--I will do whatever I have to to get you caught up. :-)
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